It can be offputting to hear the concept that the past is nothing more than thoughts in our heads. We know it happened. Often, we have physical proof that it happened. But when it’s over, where does the past exist in the present moment?
For many of us (myself included) our past exists in the present through the stories we tell ourselves in our heads. We turn a singular experience into a defining trait. We do this by repeating a narrative to ourselves and the world, over and over.
“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius
Our memory of the past and how we think and feel about ourselves in the present are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves and others about it. For better and for worse, this creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. For many, it creates a vicious circle that, without awareness or action, can become destiny disguised as fate.
“We become what we think about all day long.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
It isn’t the past or even the self-talk stories about the past that are the problem; rather, our attachment to them is the problem. The first time I got a whiff of attachment as the root of all suffering was listening to the audiobook version of A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. That was about a year or two before I started habitually doing guided meditation practices. I can remember not wanting to get out of my car in my university’s parking lot because I was so mesmerized by what I was hearing.
“The root of suffering is attachment.” — Buddha
Unfortunately, hearing and reading the concept didn’t create a miracle-epiphany-cure all. It danced around in my head for a minute before exiting stage left and being drowned out by habitual thoughts and emotions in the other direction. But I can still remember sitting in that parking lot to this day. So it’s fair to say that at least a seed was planted that day.
Repetition is key to learning. We need to hear, see and do things repeatedly for them to stick. That is why the stories in our heads become our destiny. We repeat them more times than we could ever possibly count. It is also how we let go of the old stories and define ourselves by what we do in each present moment. Repetition.
I had to hear and read about the concept of attachment as the root of suffering repeatedly but also phrased differently. I’ve gravitated to Stoicism, Buddhism, and Taoism over the years because I feel that many of their core principles overlap. Amor Fati and Wu Wei. Letting go of attachment and choosing to focus on what is within your control. I feel like before I learned these principles my life was all yin and no yang or vice versa.
Journaling can create mental space. It does this by getting our thoughts, emotions, and self-talk onto paper. We can use meditation to cultivate awareness. We can also tap into the wisdom of ancient philosophies and spiritual practices. They have helped people with our issues for thousands of years. A gratitude practice can help us habitually think positively. It can also boost our mood and beliefs.
With enough consistent, focused execution we can create new narratives for ourselves because we will be living new lives. Maybe externally everything may look the same. But our experience of the world is from the inside out.
I have had to challenge myself constantly to journal, to be more mindful, and to be more grateful. To shift focus from the external to the internal. From the past to the present. From the negative to the positive. And it is a challenge, but it is a challenge worth undertaking. Why? Because habitualizing these practices allows us to begin again infinitely.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”- Max Planck
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