“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” — Epictetus
Failure is a necessary part of life.
Setbacks are an inevitability.
We wouldn’t know what success or breakthroughs were without failure and setbacks.
There is no getting around the yin-yang, no matter how much we wish we could sometimes.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela
I recently experienced a setback via a personal failure. The shock of the situation took weeks to wear off. I let myself down and through my own choices and actions caused a setback.
Is it better if something external and out of our control causes a setback?
Is it worse if we are the cause of our setback by doing the wrong thing?
Unfortunately, I don’t have a time machine. So since I can’t change the past, the best thing I can do is focus on the present moment and move forward. There’s solace in that everyone makes mistakes, fails, and experiences setbacks. Whether we’re talking about famous historical figures or the billions and billions of regular people who have lived, are living, will live, and won’t be famous but will still experience highs and lows, successes and failures, the best and the worst that this crazy thing called life has to offer.
“Our goal is not to eliminate suffering. Our goal is to find peace despite the suffering.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
The best thing I have done for myself since my setback was to adopt the mindset that this situation is an opportunity for growth. I have had to say it internally and aloud seemingly a thousand times as negative thoughts, perceptions, and emotions about the situation consistently try to creep in from every direction.
During normal times, in my everyday life, I utilize philosophy and spirituality practices with a humanist filter to keep me on my path. During the challenging times of a self-imposed setback, I am leaning on them more than ever to help get me through. I thought maybe sharing some of the principles and paradigms that are helping me could help others too. Since I know I’m nowhere near the only one going through challenging times in the world today.
“The impediment to action is not the thing itself, but the thought of it.”- Marcus Aurelius
The concept I’ve leaned on the most is that a setback is an opportunity for growth. I have said that internally and aloud at least a thousand times over the past two months. This gets coupled with setbacks being universal and inevitable in life. Everyone encounters them, nobody gets to avoid them.
The philosophy I turn to most often is Stoicism. This ancient philosophy helps me with acceptance and focus. Accepting what has already happened and what is outside of my control. Acceptance involves letting go and detaching. I can’t control what has happened. I can’t control what will happen. But what I can do is focus on what is in my control in the here and now. The paradigm of Stoicism helps me stop catastrophizing and dwelling. It helps me get out of the imagined and into the real. Those are helpful things in good times, but especially necessary during challenging times.
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do good and evil lie? In the choices I actually control.” — Epictetus
Meditation was one of the first stress/anxiety-fighting practices I was able to habitualize. Being able to quickly engage in a simple, easy set of actions to calm my mind and gain some clarity and gratitude in the present moment is like putting a band-aid on a cut during trying times. Pairing meditation with studying various spiritual practices has been perpetually taking a load off that the overthinking mind seems to want to constantly place on my chest and shoulders.
“You cannot control the waves, but you can learn to surf.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn
Studying various spiritual practices for a number of years now has helped to enforce the necessity of forgiveness, compassion, gentleness, letting go, and kindness for the self and others in good times and bad. Experiencing a setback is fuel for the fire of judgment, negativity, anger, and fear. Meditation practice and spirituality studies help to remember that negative noise and pessimistic pain are not who we are or what we are.
“The pain you feel is a signal that you need to change your way of thinking. It’s a wake-up call to become more conscious.” — Eckhart Tolle
We may not need meditation or spiritual practice to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves when we fail. We may not need to study philosophy to be accepting of what has happened to us, to focus on what is in our control, and to be aware of the impermanence of all things and situations whether good or bad. We humans are as hopeful as we are resilient by our nature. That is how we have survived.
We may not necessarily need the aid that tools like philosophy, journaling, spirituality, and meditation can provide us, but they sure do help. In challenging times, in the face of setbacks and failure, we can use all the help we can get. Luckily for all of us, these tools are simple, easy, and quick to engage in.
Setbacks and failure are an inevitable part of life, but so are triumph and success. Both sides of the yin-yang are opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. Failure and success are both necessary for us to even know what the other is. We don’t know what good times are without hard times and vice versa.
Gleaning resilience from philosophy studies and mindfulness from spirituality practices can help all of us turn our negatives into positives. Ultimately, the key to navigating life’s ups and downs lies in our ability to learn from our experiences, embrace change, and maintain a positive outlook.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
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