Posts Tagged ‘personal development’

Being Aware of Being Swept Away

Posted: March 26, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It is not just easy, but normal and natural to get caught up in our thoughts and emotions. We don’t even notice that we’re swept up in them until time has passed and we’re in the same physical position for x amount of time.

I think this is why doom scrolling became engrained in the culture and human nature so fast. Scrolling through social media is the external manifestation of our internal scrolling through thoughts, emotions, memories, and projections.

Awareness kicks in eventually for most people. Often times after an amount of time passes that we’re ashamed to admit to ourselves or to anyone else.

“I was spacing out for how long?!” “I was scrolling through Instagram for how long?!” Two sides of the same coin.

Awareness is the way out. But like everything else, it must be cultivated. Cultivated through repetition. Practice makes progress. There is no progress without repeated action consistently, persistently. Easier said than done, just like everything else in life.

Meditation has helped me to cultivate my self awareness. Journaling has also helped me to cultivate awareness, as long as I occasionally review past journal entries so I may become aware of potential patterns of detrimental thought, emotion, and/or action.

Any journaling is better than no journaling. We have too many thoughts in our head to not take some time, some of the time, to just vomit them onto paper with a pen or pencil.

Any meditation practice is better than no meditation practice. We are too scattered brained to not take some time, some of the time to find stillness, focus on our breath, and attempt to bring inner state into alignment with the present moment.

Both journaling and meditation are put to better use for us when they are done purposefully. Mindless writing with no review can be called journaling. Sitting with our eyes closed, with new age music playing in the background, while we think aimlessly could be called meditation.

To cultivate our awareness, so we can break the cycles of getting swept away by detrimental thoughts and emotions; journaling with review of past journal entries, like extended breath focused meditation sessions with a mantra; are more useful tools to bring about the results we are looking for when engaging in self improvement practices.

Neither of which are one and done magic pills. No such thing. I still find myself getting swept up in thoughts and social media scrolling. Just five minutes before I started writing this essay I found myself standing next to my workstation, scrolling on my phone, unable to remember why I even picked my device up.

I do know I caught myself quicker than I used to. I know I get sucked into salacious social media content less often.

I know I still space out and get caught in streams of past memories and future projections. I also know I do so less often and for smaller periods of time than I used to. Even compared to this time last year or this time last month.

Little by little. One day at a time. One step at a time. One choice at a time. One action at a time.

Awareness is the way out.

Practice Makes Progress.

Acceptance & Love of What Happens

Posted: March 26, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Amor Fati is one of, if not the, most challenging concept I’ve ever learned.

To love what happens, regardless of what happens, is not natural. If we all loved what happened to us, regardless of whether we perceive what happens as positive or negative, we would be living in an unrecognizable world.

I am very grateful to have learned about this concept, through stoicism. Although the term Amor Fati is not of stoic origin. It is a term that comes from Frederich Nietzsche. This is a philosophical concept that is like jelly to the peanut butter of meditation.

Plugging the concept Amor Fati, into the awareness that is cultivated by a habitual meditation practice, has been…well, I’d like to say game changing, but in actuality it has been very challenging to apply and execute.

It is certainly a concept that goes against the grain. Modern culture and mass media certainly don’t put out the vibe of accepting and loving what happens to us. In fact, a solid majority of pop culture in America is about not liking what happens to us.

Amor Fati being the norm would mean the end of gossip, office politics, relationship drama, family feuds, rumors and innuendos. Imagining modern life without any one of those things requires strong, concentrated imagination. To imagine modern life without all of those concepts would be the beginning of a science fiction novel.

So it is natural to struggle with getting a grasp on Amor Fati because it is so unnatural and unnurtured in modern life.

Life doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Life doesn’t occur in a rehab facility. Life can be loud, messy, challenging, harsh, cold, unfair, stressful, and unnerving. We’re all zen until someone cuts us off in traffic or we stain our favorite shirt.

Life is challenging. Life is challenges. That is why I feel like philosophy and meditation go together like peanut butter and jelly. To think about philosophical concepts during meditation sessions has been a genuine help for me, when I’m able to disidentify from my thoughts and emotions.

Meditation can create space for deep thought. Meditation can create focused pondering of; the big things, the scary things, the confusing things, the unnatural things. Amor Fati is all of those things. It is a big, scary, confusing, unnatural concept to love everything that happens to us.

Amor Fati isn’t a philosophical concept that is meant to be all sunshine and rainbows. This isn’t a toxic positivity, self help guru, social media influencer like statement. This isn’t saying turn your frown upside down.

Amor Fati is as challenging as it gets, because we have been conditioned to think, perceive, feel and act in the opposite direction. If I didn’t have a meditation practice to plug Amor Fati into, I would have likely dismissed it instantly, like I imagine a great many people have throughout history since Nietzsche first wrote the words.

It is because Amor Fati is so different, that I believe it’s time has come to be mainstream. We need different in the culture right now. We need different in the zeitgeist right now. Amor Fait is what we need to break up the status quo claptrap that monopolizes the perceptions of the masses.

We need a different paradigm. We need to change our perceptions. Amor Fati is the type of concept that cuts across class, race, gender, and generation to challenge us at our cores equally.

It is a concept that I very much need to apply in my life. More and more as the days go by.

Amor Fati, to me, also sounds like something, that we all, desperately need at this point in history.

#Life Taught Me What Is Real

Posted: March 26, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It is a sign of privilege to think that everything should go the way we want all the time.

It serves as both a compliment to and a reprimand of our upbringing. Any parent or legal guardian who is worth one’s salt wants their children to have a good life and a better life than they, the parent had, growing up.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

A byproduct of this in America over the past forty years has been helicopter parents, which evolved over the past twenty years into bulldozers parenting.

Life is only easy for the privileged, and that only applies to the external and material aspects of life. I have never met a rich person who didn’t have mental and emotional issues in spades. They were just able to throw money at the problems and use their money to create shields and masks for the public.

There is no escaping the yin yang.

There are ups and then there are downs. We wouldn’t know one without the other. We wouldn’t know sound without silence. We wouldn’t know darkness without light. And vice versa.

Frustrating isn’t nearly a good enough word to describe when a person has a vision for their life, they make the right choices to manifest that vision into reality, and then something(s) happen that interrupt their journey and block their path.

The Obstacle is The Way.

It sucks that we can’t always get what we want. Wouldn’t life be better that way?

It would certainly be easier and less stressful…but better? A life without challenges is…a better life? I don’t know about that one.

I know when I was younger; completely socially conditioned by mass media; completely identified with the thoughts and emotions instilled in me during my formative years by the for profit entertainment industry; that a life of fame, fortune, excitement and pleasure was the only life for me.

Then life happened. Real life. Not high school, homework, and hanging out with friends. Real life. Love, loss, triumph, tragedy, success, and failure…lots of failure.

Real life drove me to meditation, philosophy, drinking, journaling, sleeping in, reading, binge watching, weight training, hallucinogens, yoga, smoking, nature trail hikes…and an old enough age to see how cyclical, repetitive, and unique people and life can be regardless of technological advancement.

It’s all the same, only the names will change.

Real life taught me the interruptions from my childhood dreams weren’t interruptions. Real life taught me that the obstacles on my path weren’t obstacles. Real life taught me that hard times and challenges weren’t unfair or punishments.

Real life taught me those things are real life.

New #Meditation, New Me, Temporarily, For Now

Posted: March 19, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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I started meditation because it seemed like a natural extension of a yoga practice as well as a good cool down from the physical exercise that a yoga session can be. I was able to habitualize a regular meditation practice, years before I was able to habitualize a regular yoga practice.

I enjoy doing yoga. Especially after a weight training session or on a day that I don’t life weights. At the end of a yoga session I feel good. Often I feel better than I did before I started the session. But meditation, hits different for me.

I feel better during and after a meditation in deeper way than I do post yoga. Not better, just better for me. Better enough that my meditation practice stuck sooner.

I thank the Calm app for that. The guided meditations, to this day, remain the vehicle that has helped me arrive the most frequently, and consistently to consciousness and awareness of the space between stimulus and response.

I’m not describing the feeling adequately. That is the great thing about meditation and other spirituality practices; concepts beyond words.

On bad days, good days, and neutral days alike, when I’m able to break the cycle of thinking, break away from my identification with my thoughts or emotions or life situation, concentrate on my breath, and reach a place of inner stillness and awareness, even if it’s just for a couple of seconds…that’s the good stuff. That makes the practice worth it’s weight in gold.

That feeling makes me feel like I’ve shed my skin and become a new person on the spot. It feels like coming home again. It feels like putting on all of my most comfortable clothes. It feels like breathing again after being under water.

I certainly wish I was able to get to that place more consistently and for longer. But, we all need goals to chase. I am grateful for every micro second I have spent in the awareness of inner stillness. Just to be aware of it is a blessing for me. Then to feel it and know it, and to know myself for the first time. Tremendous feelings. Gratitude for sure.

Taking my meditation practice off of my cushion and into my daily life was a long delayed happening. For the longest time I just sat, focused on my breath a little, and thought with my eyes closed and a guided meditation playing in my earbuds.

To get into a true meditative state, or even a reasonable facsimile took a while for me. Many times now I simply settle for breath awareness, noticing I’m stuck in my head, or identifying with emotion, and coming back to the breath. Which is also a blessing for me.

Being able to notice I’m identified with my thoughts and being able to break free and come back to breath awareness makes me feel like a new person. I can simply remember the long period of my life where I was completely identified with my thoughts, my emotion and my life situation. The majority of people are.

I still get caught up. Meditation isn’t a magic bullet. But it is an aide. An aide for the mind. An aide for our emotions. An aid for our soul. An aide I am grateful for.

Possible, Probable, Immeasurable, Balance

Posted: March 6, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Balance

Possible? Yes. Probable? Well…

That all depends.

Depends on what?

Well if you live in a capitalist controlled society, how much is money a direct concern for your ability to eat, drink, and be sheltered?

Are you living paycheck to paycheck just to survive? Constantly working to keep your head above water and only living on the survival plain?

If yes, then rest is a luxury. It shouldn’t be. Not this side of the industrial revolution. But it seems as though technological advances are weaponized against the working class in order to force more productivity for less compensation. See A.I doing to the white collar class what machines did to the blue collar class forty years ago.

From a place of stress and survival balance seems like a theory and a fantasy created by those who have never known struggle. But the ancient philosophies and spiritual practices that cultivate and tend to our hearts and souls come from a time when all there was to do was survive, when slavery was standard, and life expectancy was a fraction of what it is today.

Wisdom is wisdom for reason. Concepts, teachings, and ways; stand the test of time for a reason.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

When one spends the majority of their waking hours “earning a living”, and just trying to keep a roof over one’s head, as I spent many years doing myself; using limited leisure time for something other and pleasure is scary. That fear is often masked with dismissiveness, sarcasm, excuses, cynicism, and/or denial.

We work hard, we have the right to play hard. When one spends their time in the service of someone else’s dreams of making more, having more, producing more, extracting more…we want to spend our time off the clock doing what we want.

I understand this. I’ve eaten my feelings more times than I could ever attempt to count. I spent countless hours binge watches shows, rewatching movies, and marathoning video games because work sucks, I put in my time on the clock, and after my commute home it was ME time.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

But entertainment and escapism only worked so long for me before it all became shallow, then hollow, then empty, then a void, then burnout, then darkness.

We must challenge ourselves to work on ourselves and for ourselves, even when we feel we’re being worked to the bone and driven into the ground. It is hard. It is unknown. It is scary. It is work. It is hard. But it is worth it. Why?

Because we become better versions of ourselves. Individually, not in a cookie cutter way. Emotional regulation is different for everybody. Peace of mind is different for everybody. Overcoming fear is different for everybody. Letting go of the past is different for everybody. Physical fitness is different for every body. Mindfulness is different for everybody. Applied philosophical wisdom is different for everybody.

The principles are the same, the wisdom is the same, the application and results are unique because we are all unique.

I slept poorly for a third of my life. I spent my waking hours in a poor mental emotional state for half of my life. I had to work for a living. But when I stopped dedicating all of my leisure time to escaping and entertaining myself and went to work on myself, for myself…my sleep, my mind, my emotions all slowly and steadily became better.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m still going, still working on it, no magic pill, no cure all, no end point until the end of my life. However, now I move forward with some stillness and balance.

Immeasurable? Yes.

Immeasurably better? Yes, please, thank you.

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