Posts Tagged ‘stoicism’

Control, Concern & #Choice

Posted: February 24, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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I found it to be a tangible sign of progression on my path that I stopped be as internally triggered by external reality not matching up with what I wanted, expected or hoped for.

Have a achieved zen? HA! We all need goals to chase.

Maybe itā€™s just part of growing older and accumulating more life experience that teaches us, whether we like it or not, that external reality is going to do what external reality is going to do and the best we can do is attempt to influence it then completely let go/detach from there.

I have gotten better at that.

There is a balance there too.

One can give up altogether. Stop trying.

Giving up control is good. Giving up altogether is bad.

Identifying what is in our control and what is not is a pillar of stoicism. It is one of the things that initially drew me to the ancient philosophy that has helped so many people for so many thousands of years.

I remember in the depths of my depression turning to personal development/self help books. In my case, audiobooks. My education in America taught me to hate learning. I hated reading. I would learn to unlearn to paradigm of hating learning, slowly, over time. Renting audiobooks from my local library was a big step in that direction.

One of the first authors that drew my attention was the late great Stephen Covey and his iconic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. A book I recommend to everyone that is capable of reading or listening to audiobooks.

More than his book were his speeches and interviews. Regardless of the material he preached, he had an amazing voice and a magnetic presence.

In his book and his talks he talked about two circles. The Circle of Control and the Circle of Concern. As one might guess, the circle of control is very small and the circle of concern is very big. Yet the attention we pay to each is often inversely proportional. I know it was for me when I first learned about the terms. I know that learning about those terms or any terms is in no way a cure all.

So it still takes constant effort over a decade and a half after first learning about what I have direct control over and what I have no control over. Iā€™ve studied stoicism through reading, listening to podcast, and watching videos for almost a decade now. No one thing magically makes my shortcomings or predispositions disappear.

But I am as grateful or more grateful for the progress Iā€™ve made in this area of my life than anything that has ever happened to me or anything I have ever done. Because putting my focus, energy, and effort towards things outside of my control has been a source of tremendous suffering for me. Life experience has shown me it is a great source of suffering for many if not most of the people I have ever met.

Meditation, stoicism, journaling, theanine, ashwaghanda have all helped me calm my mind, slow my thought streams down at least enough to realize I am in the witness and not a passenger.

Things happen.

I can choose to put my focus, energy, and effort into accomplishing a goal regardless of size or scope and then when I have done all that I am capable of doing to the best of my ability at that timeā€¦I can choose to let go and then I can choose to accept what is.

It is as it isā€¦

#Awareness of What We Do & Donā€™t Control

Posted: February 17, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It can be hard to focus on what we can control or influence when we have a harder time distinguishing between the two. Generations raised on movies, television, and social media have been socially conditioned to have egos the size of the Grand Canyon.

It often takes some negative external event to pop or at least penetrate the illusion that we are the center of the universe, we are the main character surrounded by NPCs, and/or we canā€™t always get what we want, when we want it, how we want it.

ā€œThe world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those who will not break it kills.ā€ Ernest Hemingway – A Farewell to Arms

I know for me it is a regular battle of focusing on things I have no control over whatsoever, realizing it, and changing my focus to something more productive or beneficial. But nothing in life of substance is a one and done. No magic pills to take or magic wands to wave.

Itā€™s human nature to focus on things outside of our immediate control in order to survive. What is going on in our environment around us is outside of our control. But how we maneuver within it to live to fight another day, is in our control. So we evolved with an outward focus rather than an inward focus.

So we constantly have to fight ourselves to prioritize what is pragmatic.

So much suffering comes from time and attention that turns into emotion spent on things completely outside of our control.

Equally or perhaps more frustrating for me has been the knowledge of this and still failing to execute properly. Identifying what is within my control, focusing on it, and still failing to take right action.

Awareness is the way out, but it still takes action to get there.

Recognizing and placing proportional value on what we directly have control over is necessary for peace of mind and quality of life.

Taking appropriate action consistently, habitually, that is a whole other ball of wax. But one can spend a lifetime chasing their own tail without the awareness of the difference between what we control and what we donā€™t.

One must take the time to genuinely think and write about this. I feel like with this issue deep thought and mediation are not enough. Our thoughts on this must be transcribed somehow to make a good faith attempt at attain wisdom here.

Luckily, choosing to make time, think deeply, meditate, write/journal, and reflection are all things we can control.

One thing at a time.

One choice at a time.

I think there is value there.

Letting Go of Wanting Control

Posted: February 8, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Control. Itā€™s human nature to want to control things. It makes us feel safe. It makes us feel powerful. It makes us feel better. Certainly better than feeling in danger, weak, or confused.

We seem to want more and more control as time goes on. Our institutions want more control over its citizenry. Every year there seems to be more and more attempts at censorship on social media. Always for the greater good right?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

We have so little control over what happens to us and around us, to really think about it is scary. Thatā€™s why itā€™s so much easier for the masses to not think about it. Not only do we not think about it, we deny it. We deny it and try to force control on the external world and ourselves. Always for the greater good right?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Trying to turn the world into an ever expanding safe space is as misguided as it is wasteful.

It is hard, if not impossible to accept how little of our lives we actually control without some kind of philosophy or spirituality practice, or in my case, both. Stoic philosophy and the spiritual teachings of Alan Watts have been tremendously helpful for me in letting go.

Focusing on what I can control, letting go of what I canā€™t.

Easier said than done of course, just like everything else in life.

My mind seems to drift into mental movies about possible future events and possible future outcomes that stir up my emotions with the velocity of a jet engine. I was never taught to think like that, or feel like that. Not directly, I suppose. So where does that way of thinking and feeling come from?

Iā€™ve lived enough life, met enough people, to know that not only am I not alone in that way of thinking and feeling but that way of thinking and feeling is the norm.

Iā€™ve also lived long enough to know that what is considered normal is insane.

Insanity wrapped in social acceptability.

Studying stoic philosophy, listening to Alan Wattā€™s speeches (preferably with some video playing to compliment his words) helps calm my mind with perspective, and ease my emotions with wisdom. Breaking vicious circles inherited through nature and nurture, and in a way, restoring child like ease and wonder towards life and the worldā€¦until the next challenge presents itself. And those donā€™t take too long to show up. If weā€™re alive, weā€™re facing challenges.

Anxiety comes about because we want to control the uncontrollable. We would prefer to not have challenges but that is not how life operates so we get anxious about it. And why wouldnā€™t we? Did we ask to be born? Did we ask for a series of never ending challenges sporadically spaced out from the time we are born until the time we die? Absolutely not. Who would?

At least we are fortunate enough to be alive at a time when the knowledge and wisdom of the greatest thinkers in the history of the world is so accessible with such little effort. So we have to tools to better address our so called problems.

It is natural to forget. It is natural to be anxious. Philosophy and spirituality practices help us to remember.

#Stoicism for Breakfast

Posted: December 24, 2023 in Stimulus Space Response
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Studying philosophy, specifically Stoicism has been a life saver for me.

I have found stoicism and a meditation practice go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Which is appropriate, since the most famous work of the most famous stoic in the history of the world is called ā€œMeditationsā€ by Marcus Aurelius.

The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday has been one of the best things Iā€™ve ever incorporated into my life. The book, the podcast, and the YouTube videos. I strongly recommend any and all to any person who reads my words.

Listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast first thing in the morning was a staple of my routine for years when it was just a couple of minutes long. In recent years, especially the last two, watching a Daily Stoic video on YouTube with my morning coffee has been how I start my days.

It puts my head in the right placeā€¦along with the coffee of course.

The concept of we donā€™t control what happens to us, we control how we respond has been not just a game changer, but a life saver. That concept completely changed my paradigm of my life at a time when my life desperately needed that change.

Stoicism is no magic pill of course. No such thing exists.

Philosophy has been a tremendous aide. A wonderful tool in the tool belt of helping myself and developing as a person. A way to help keep my ego in check.

First world, capitalist controlled, consumer countries all have out of control, exploited egos by cultural design. We suffer for it because we can never have enough externally. Stoicism teaches that we already have enough, internally.

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