Part One: My Life
I used to write poetry, a lot of poetry. That was my entre into blogging in the first place back in the MySpace days when I started posting what I would write on cocktail napkins, scrap paper, copy paper, waste paper, and in notebooks. I had been writing poetry for years, over a decade in fact. People told me it was good, but I often wonder if they meant it or if they were just worried that if they gave me their honest opinion I would slit my wrist. For a number of years they would have been right in that assumption, and no I did not listen to scene music.
I was creatively inspired by negativity, and because I was a depressed anti social at the time, I wrote a lot. I could find the darkness in anything, like any immature negative asshole can. I did a lot of writing, it made me not happy, but feel less shitty to turn the negative feelings I was constantly feeling into something constructive and productive. Back then, that was the only constructive thing I did other than work a day job. Much of what wasn’t burned the day I graduated high school can still be found at darkdawndiaries.com.
When the creative writing well ran dry for the first time since before puberty, I freaked out. Silently, likely creating tumors made of suppressed negative emotions. Even worse, I tried being creative so counterproductive I’m amazed I didn’t create the world’s highest rated sitcom. My 26th birthday brought a literal explosion of creativity, many of those are posted on the above listed website. I started a couple of short stories that day that I was never able to finish because trying to create fiction seemed like trying to speak Mandarin, in search of a metaphoric or literal Rosetta Stone.
During this time I was going to school, pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Media Communications, walking the path of Chris Farley’s character in Tommy Boy. So although I had writer’s block creatively, I was still writing for academic purposes on a weekly basis for a majority of the year. Not only was I writing but I was also receiving training in writing for news, writing for media, audio broadcasting, video production, public speaking, script writing, communication theories/styles, the history of theater, radio, film, and television. I was maturing as a person and as a writer, whether I knew it or not, whether I wanted to or not. This saved me.
I was constantly thinking about writing but not doing it because of my self fulfilling prophecy of writer’s block even though I was routinely getting high marks on lengthy, research based term papers. I saw friends and classmates actually taking action towards their career aspirations and media and achieving them. Me? I just kept riding my hamster wheel of reoccurring personal issues. My journey towards handling and solving those issues through consuming knowledge and applying lessons is being documented in my Stimulus Space Response articles.
What got my actually writing again? I reached a tipping point in many areas of my life. After my grandmother died and my job of eight years went bankrupt I dipped back into full fledged depression. Didn’t leave my bedroom for days (except food & bathroom), didn’t leave my house for weeks. I dropped out of school, stopped exercising, stopped even thinking about writing, stopped anything productive. I was lost in the woods at night, if my life was a building, it was a pile of smoldering rubble destroyed from a fire within. With much help from family and friends I went back to school, started listening to nonfiction audio books routinely, lost forty pounds, got my BA, moved into a house with a friend, started journaling, started reading amateur blogs, started talking with people in the media industry, and started posting blogs.
Why do I write and why did I start in the first place? I love writing, I really do. I’m no longer going to question if I’m also actually good at it or the people who tell me that I’m good at it. I’m going to believe in myself, my ability, my talent, and take action from there. If I am not inspired to write poetry or short stories like I once was, then it’s a good thing I have a formal education and degree of higher education in media writing. So I am going to write about the news stories that I am passionate about while trying to break new stories that are within my circle of influence to do original reporting on. I must write to stay sharp, to improve, and to build a portfolio of material.
What makes me want to keep writing, professionally, with a multi tiered content presentation style in the spirit of VICE and UPROXX? Three things; Syria, Bradley Manning, and Edward Snowden. More on those next time…