Archive for the ‘Stimulus Space Response’ Category

Detrimental Perceptions are built on Layers of Emotional #Reactivity

Posted: January 29, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Like sweat in our eyes, water in our ears, oil on our skin.

How much of what we think and perceive about ourselves internally and the external world are beneficial vs detrimental?

This was something I asked myself a lot last year. At the time I was using the terms productive vs counter productive. I found myself asking how much of my thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and actions were/are productive vs counter productive?

It’s a question we all need to ask ourselves. The data on depression, anxiety, stress, negativity, mental health, etc all keeps going in the wrong direction. I personally believe much of that has to do with late stage capitalism and being forced to participate regardless of our physical, mental, or emotional health.

That is an external reason. Internally however, we do need to take responsibility for our the way we think, perceive, feel, and act. At least at a 51/49 split.

I’m still doing the work of changing myself for the better based on my own standards, my own goals, and what works for me. It came as a surprise, whether it should have or not, that I was not doing what works for me in multiple areas of my life.

We all have our issues. We all have experienced trauma. The world breaks everybody. But I found myself day after day, noticing detrimental habits of thought, perception, and action. And when I would think; “why am I like this” or “why do I do this?” The answer has yet to be one of external blame. The answer has also yet to be a singular thing.

It’s layers of emotional reactivity to events, situations, and challenges that I developed unconscious responses to. A stimulus happened and I reacted unconsciously and built layers of detrimental thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and actions as my response(s).

I dug a hole for myself. I fell underwater. I got lost in darkness.

Meditation, journaling, philosophy have all helped me little by little to dig out, swim to the shore, and walk towards the light.

Little by little, day by day, one choice at a time.

Then a slip up happens. A mistake repeated. Then comes the challenge of not beating myself further down into the hole underwater in the darkness. The habit of making a bad situation worse with negative emotional reactivity.

The habit of having a detrimental perception of myself. That for me has been maybe the most consistent challenge. That was the eye opener. How much of my self talk was negative. How I was my own worst enemy and critic.

And why? For doing what? I wasn’t hurting anyone else. I wasn’t causing harm or misfortune to bystanders or people in my life. But I would berate myself like I was being paid handsomely to do it. Why?

The habit of negative emotional reactivity. Unconscious negative reactions to minor situations. Making a mountain out of a molehill. Detrimental perceptions.

Cultivating the space between stimulus and response with meditation, journaling, philosophy, and spirituality practices has been the yin to the aforementioned yang. The white to the black. The silence to the sound. The beneficial to the detrimental.

Conscious, Awareness, #Habits

Posted: January 28, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Live long enough and you’ll eventually ask yourself internally or out loud; “Why am I like this?”

The rational answer sans emotional baggage and personal history is…habits.

We are a product of our habits. Habits being repeated actions. Our most repeated actions. We are what we repeatedly do, without exception.

Habits by their nature, are unconscious. The purpose of forming habits is to be able to do them with minimal or no thought. That’s how they stick for better AND for worse.

New Years Resolutions are the most popular, socially accepted, tradition of bringing conscious awareness to our habits. For the first couple of weeks every year people become aware of and focus on their eating habits, drinking habits, social habits, exercise habits, leisure time habits, relationship habits, etc.

It’s also a meme that people drop off of their resolutions within days or maybe weeks the beginning of the new year. Planet Fitness’ profitability is dependent on people signing up, dropping off, but not canceling their membership.

However the act of the new years resolution is a proper formula for change. At least for the beginning portion of change. One can’t change without being aware change is needed. Again, habits are by their nature unconscious. We have to bring awareness to our habits to change them for better AND for worse.

Our lives aren’t just dominated by our habits, our lives are our habits. Whatever our individual life constitutes as normal is made normal by the habitual actions we take every hour of everyday or every week of every month of every year of our lives.

Awareness is the way out. I know I’ve had to spend a lot of mental energy on building new habits in pretty much every area of my life. Naturally there was/is emotional baggage attached to them. We’re all human beings after all. We’re not productivity or efficiency machines no matter how much capitalism wants us to be.

It’s a marathon not a sprint.

Some of the new years resolutions I stuck to last year, literally didn’t become habitualized until December. Because habits don’t form in a couple of days or a couple of weeks no matter how impatient we may be.

We may have to work to make a living but our life’s work is the work of making our life. As long as we’re alive, we can dedicate the time, energy, focus, and consistency to improving our lives based on our own criteria for what brings us consistent joy and fulfillment. And we can’t do that unconsciously with one off actions.

As It Is > What It Is

Posted: January 25, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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There’s something about the phrase it is what it is that I never liked beyond a joking context. I love the it is what it is memes. But in day to day life, it mildly rubbed me the wrong way.

One day while watching YouTube I heard Eckhart Tolle say “It is as it is” and something clicked/stuck.

What’s the difference between these two phrases? The meaning I internally assigned to them. Just because one clicked with me and the other didn’t, doesn’t mean there’s an actual difference.

Tolle went on to explain that when something happens, we can acknowledge the situation, internally and/or externally as it is. This is what is happening. It is as it is. Now, what is my reaction going to be? How will I respond to this?

Choosing a response that is beneficial, rather than detrimental isn’t dependent on saying to oneself, “It is as it is”, but it has certainly helped me. Cultivating the inner space between stimulus and response, to think or say anything constructive, that is mandatory work for all of us.

If we are reaction junkies, then we do ourselves a disservice and essentially give our power away to anyone or anything that inconveniences or challenges us. And challenges never stop in life. One need not be a sage or old or even have much life experience to have learned that…repeatedly.

Cultivating enough space between stimulus and response to say five words can be a tall task for many. It certainly turned out to be a long term goal for me. On some days, it still seems like a long term goal. I know there was a time, a long period of my life, where I was unaware of the space between stimulus and response and therefore by default gave my power away to any and all external events or shifting internal moods.

Meditation, philosophy and spirituality practices have all been a tremendous help for me. I would classify my meditation and philosophy practices as life savers. Meditation, philosophy and weight training are the three things I recommend to all human beings regardless of age.

Spirituality can run into immediate resistance from the agnostic and atheist types so I usually skip it and focus on the pragmatic, immediate benefits of practicing meditation, physical exercise, and philosophy.

Meditation and philosophy have helped to teach me about the thinking mind, emotion, and human nature. Those three lessons/concepts are almost always able to be plugged into situations that cause me to pause and say “it is as it is”. Being unaware or willfully ignorant of the thinking mind, emotion, and human nature often makes situations worse, and makes viewing negative situations as challenges impossible.

Although being able to say “it is what it is” and laugh it off, is pretty zen too.

Past Reviews as a Vehicle for #Progress

Posted: January 24, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Seven(ish) years ago I bought the notebook that was going to change everything.

I’ve been happily surprised this has become a meme around the new year. I suppose taking some relief that so many other people made & make the same mistake I did.

I am just now, a few pages away from finishing that notebook/journal.

Why didn’t the notebook change everything? I’m no authority but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with seeking something external to change something internal.

Rereading my old journal entries is one of my new years resolutions. It has been a missing piece of my journaling practice for as long as I have been journaling. Both Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday have spoken about the need to revisit old writings. As it is important to revisit old or long held thoughts to see if they’re still applicable or even beneficial.

I’ve never consistently reread old journal entries. Maybe here or there, spread out over my entire writing life. A fraction of a percentage. But as I’ve been reviewing old journal entires, some a decade old, some a few months old, I’ve immediately and consistently seen the value in doing so.

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Perspective. It puts my thoughts, opinions, and experiences that I chose to put onto paper in a different perspective. It helps to show what I was struggling with then and if I’m’ still struggling now. It puts a different perspective on my own voice. On my own thoughts. On what’s going on in my head. On the voice going on inside my head.

Compassion. We all have our issues and shortcomings. Much of what I’ve journaled about during my life has been about mine. Seeing the consistent underlying theme of my personal issues and shortcomings wreaking various levels of havoc on my life while I fight the good fight to keep my head above water while on the right path…has bred more self compassion and empathy for others.

Determination. To see how long and how frequently the same issues and shortcomings have been influencing the quality and direction of my life, there is a controlled, pragmatic increase in determination to take action and build habits to combat and conquer these issues. Or at least break the vicious cycle.

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An inner spark for inner change. Buying a notebook only changes one’s account balance. Rereading old journals only takes up time. It’s the choices and actions that come after that count. Just like with everything else.

But it starts and succeeds from the inside out, not from the outside in.

It’s All a #Practice

Posted: January 23, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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We do it, we forget, then we remember again. That’s why it’s a practice.

What’s a practice? Everything we do. Until we’re doing it without thinking. Until we’re doing it without thinking with proficiency. Until we’re doing it without thinking with excellence.

It’s all a practice.

Until we’re masters.

And the number of masters to have ever lived is smaller than we would like to think or than we would care to admit.

I’m a meditation practitioner, a philosophy practitioner, a weight lifting practitioner, a communications practitioner, a try not to be an asshole practitioner.

It’s all a practice.

We learn by doing.

We do it, we forget, then we remember again.

That’s why life is a journey and not a destination. We never arrive. Change is the only constant. We’re in a constant state of flux.

So we practice doing the things we want to do, the things we need to do, and the things we have to do.

We have to do, what we have to do.

It’s all a practice.

It’s why witnessing a masterpiece or being in the presence of masters of a craft has an almost universal emotional connection and appeal across demographics and generations. Rare isn’t the word for it. Language doesn’t do it justice.

What do we want to get better at? What do we need to improve? What must we learn?

We do it, we forget, then we remember again. That’s why it’s a practice.

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