Anarchy Journal Constitutional

Fear of failure is normal. Who wants to fail? Fear of failure is adjacent to fear of the unknown. Both lend themselves to the voices in our heads and our mental movies running amok with projections of worst possible scenarios.

“To err is human, to forgive divine”

I genuinely couldn’t guess the number of mistakes I’ve made in my life.

I genuinely wouldn’t want to keep a running tally for more than an hour.

Humans are imperfect. All of us. No exceptions. Even the exceptional ones are flawed.

Forgiving ourselves, and forgiving others for making mistakes and repeating mistakes is divine because that is extraordinarily exceptional. Why?

In the time before curated social media feeds and visual filters, we would project our self hatred for our failures onto the failures of other people. Now, in a world where people who are able to fake perfection professionally on social media are increasingly rewarded and lionized, there is an extra layer of shame added to failure.

Failure is normal. Failure is the standard. If we succeeded at everything we tried all the time the world we live in would be truly unrecognizable. We need to try, fail, learn and try again on never ending cycles. We don’t stop trying and failing until we die.

To err is human.

We are all going to die. We are all going to fail. Everything is going to change.

It’s hard to constantly try and fail. We are human after all. So of course thoughts and emotions come into the mix. Our thoughts and emotions and perceptions make us human.

Failing a lot and repeated the same mistakes?! Oh boy, I know that combo. I’d rather have the combo that involves a burger and fries.

To err is human.

Empathy, compassion, understanding are constantly needed for ourselves and others. How much negativity comes from the perceptions and emotions surrounding failure?

Failing in front of other people?! Eek, been there. Failing in front of other people was already a cruel enough fate before the possibility of all bystanders having a high definition camera in the palm of their hand pointed in your direction.

Forgiveness, acceptance, patience, perspective are needed as much as the internal desire to check our feeds and doom scroll. Love and gratitude go well here too, but they go well everywhere every time for everyone.

To err is human.

It would be nice if things went according to plan. That’s why when they do we celebrate and feel so good. Because it’s so special when it actually happens. Success is so extraordinary that it is universally cause for celebration whenever it happens at every level of life. That’s why the concept of the treat was invented.

But life is hard by default and failure is the default result of action and effort. Ease and success don’t go hand in hand. Not in real life or in the media. All the best movies, shows, video games, and songs involve struggle or hardship at least at first.

To err is human.

It’s why we try hard but are then soft and easy on how we treat ourselves and other people. The hard and complex are for the actions and the things. Work hard, then take it easy. Don’t neglect either and don’t confuse one for the other. Easier said that done, but what isn’t?

To err is human.

Somewhere between establishing a regular meditation practice and stumbling into studying philosophy via podcasts and YouTube videos, I became grateful to just be alive.

I used to be very pessimistic. Pessimism and depression go hand in hand. I used to be very depressed too. Ages 14 and 26 are when depression bit my head off and almost took me all the way down to drown in darkness.

I don’t remember exactly when or why I decided that I wanted to stay. But I stayed. I’m glad I did. I’m very grateful to be alive.

That doesn’t mean life is perfect. No such thing as perfect. That doesn’t mean that life is all sunshine and rainbows. Life is challenges. In all of life there is suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.

But to me, life is good, I’m glad to be alive.

Everyday above ground is a good day.

I used to say this habitually when people would ask me how I was doing or what’s going on or just as a general retort for a general greeting I would receive from friends, acquaintances, etc.

I stopped saying it when I said it to a woman who was suffering, clearly suffering, she told me in a very calm manner why she was suffering, then excused herself as she started crying. In all of life there is suffering. I felt tremendous empathy for that stranger in that moment. I remember thinking, just because I feel that way, doesn’t mean I need to broadcast it.

Actions > Words

Everyday above ground is a good day.

I do believe that is true. No one is forcing us to stay. We are free to leave at anytime. It has never been easier for one to leave this life if they don’t want to be here.

I think that might have been what convinced me to stay. I had been in such a negative state for so long, while having done so little, if anything to change my situation, that it got to the stage of, shit or get off the pot. Either stay or leave. But if I’m going to stay, I’m not going to be a cynical, pessimistic, energy vampire, negative asshole. So get pragmatically positive or leave.

So I chose to stay. I’m glad I did. I would advise most habitually negative people to have the same talk with themself, make the choice to stay or leave, and act accordingly.

Being grateful to be alive doesn’t make bad things not happen. Gratitude for one’s existence doesn’t mean challenges stop coming or suffering ceases. It provides a solid foundation to go from and a comfortable landing to fall back on when the challenges of life and suffering of existence present themselves.

Meditation practice helped me to cultivate inner space between stimulus and response for me to plug this gratitude for life into. If one has no inner space or inner peace, there isn’t time for gratitude because of the constant knee-jerk reactions to all the stimuli.

Philosophy studies helped provide context and perspective to existence and the human condition. Combining a meditation practice and philosophy study has provided me with a calibrated, pragmatic attitude of gratitude, sans toxic new age narcissistic positivity.

Every day above ground is a good day.

What about bad days? Well, what do you mean by bad? Is there universal bad? Or is bad a perception? Is bad a thought? Is bad a judgement? How do you know what bad is?

You mean challenging days? You mean days with suffering? Days with more suffering than neutrality or enjoyment? How do you know what a challenge is? How do you know what suffering is?

I guess I missed the meeting that said life is supposed to always be good all the time no exception ever.

There is no escaping the yin yang.

No light without dark. No silence without noise. No sweet without sour. No cold without hot. No wet without dry. No high without low. No life without death. No good without bad.

Everyday above ground is a good day.