Posts Tagged ‘life lessons’

Emotional by Nature, Compassionate by Choice

Posted: February 29, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Our lives are dyed by the color of our thoughts.

We focus on what we look at.

We get what we focus on.

We are what we repeatedly do.

Trying to create and cultivate space between what happens to us, and our thoughts and emotions regarding what happens to us can be very hard. And certainly is not the default state of doing things for human beings.

Theyā€™re called snap judgements for a reason.

In the blink of an eye.

Weā€™ll react with fervent emotion, containing very little, if any, rational thought.

But of course, in the moment of choice, we donā€™t just think, we know weā€™re right. We feel it. We donā€™t know it. We feel it.

Which is more powerful a thought or a feeling?

Which is more influential?

What was the world like during the vast majority of human history before rational thought?

Of course we construct the world through the paradigm of our emotions. Our emotions predate language by at least 100,000 years and rational thought by around 300,000 years.

We evolved to construct the world with our emotions. It is the norm to construct the world with our emotions. We are emotional creatures.

The modern world is one of logic and reason. At least it is officially, on the table, for appearances, in public. But living life is a private matter. Emotions and feelings rule the day for the vast majority of people. If it were the other way around the world would be incomprehensibly different.

So we must have more compassion and empathy for ourselves AND others.

I have found maintaining self compassion and empathy towards others to be a challenge despite large quantities of meditation practice and spirituality study. Negativity and selfishness seem to be increasingly amplified and glorified in the western world. I wonder why that is? Put another log on the fire.

Is it in our nature to be compassionate and empathetic? I believe so. I believe it is, barely, in our nature. Just enough that it can be cultivated, expanded, and spread around in the spirit of emotional contagion.

I know there are, have been, and likely will be plenty of days where I will need to give myself compassion and empathy. Living can be hard and complex.

That means that others need it to. Some more than others. I know Iā€™ll have to develop my ability to extend compassion and empathy. But itā€™s a challenge worth taking on and conquering. It is a good fight to take on and win.

Because compassion and empathy are good things. Two things we need more of for ourselves. Two things this world needs more of from us.

Weā€™re Not Done Until Weā€™re Dead

Posted: February 27, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Weā€™re not done until weā€™re dead.

Done with what?

Our lifeā€™s work.

What is our lifeā€™s work?

What we spend our time doing.

Time, the one thing we canā€™t get back regardless of how rich or poor we are.

It is normal to spend the majority of oneā€™s life just trying to survive as long as possible.

Human, animal, plantā€¦survival and replication is the name of the game, the purpose of life.

But things have changed for some people in some parts of the world depending on external factors completely outside of their control that determine whether or not they can devote their waking hours to doing something that has come to be known asā€¦thriving.

Not just surviving, but thriving.

Not just living moment to moment, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year. But something the privileged say is greater than just going on until we canā€™t go on anymore.

Something greater than doing what I am capable of doing to live to see another day? Wonderful! Iā€™m in, sign me up, mark me down, I love it, I want it. This means my all my necessities will be provided for me so I can focus completely on thriving right? Right?

No, I am still completely responsible for my own survival. But now, I have to choose to find, cultivate, and expend from within me an entire new beingā€™s worth of focus, energy, effort, determination, and consistency to dedicate my life to something greater? Even though I still have to devote the majority of my waking hours to doing what I am capable of doing to make sure I donā€™t die homeless, starving, and dehydrated?

Luckily we can choose what to focus on. We can choose how to perceive things. We can choose how to feel. We can choose how to act and what to do.

Not by default though. After all, we would be urinating and defecating where we sit or stand without being potty trained. So we have to learn the theories, concepts, skills, tools, practices, habits, rituals and routines to develop and improve ourselves gradually, over time, patiently into a better more actualized version of ourselves.

How many steps is that? How many choices is that? How many days is that? How many years is that? What is the cost of that? Why is it up to me to do all that? Shouldnā€™t they be teaching us those things in school? Shouldnā€™t that be paid training on how to live rather than pay to play?

Luckily we can choose what to focus on. We can choose how to perceive things. We can choose how to feel. We can choose how to act and what to do.

I suppose trying to be a better person is a better use of leisure time than watching tv. But what about people who donā€™t have leisure time?

Thatā€™s out of my control or ability to influence. The best thing I can do is focus on improving myself without negatively impacting others. No harm, no foul. Becoming a better version of myself may even end up having a positive effect on the people around me. That is certainly a good thing. To positively impact the people, places, and things around us.

It would be nice to know why we have to discover this on our own and do it on our own when in America we are forced to spend the first quarter of our lives being educated. Educated in what? For what? Now I have to spend the rest of my life learning and applying knowledge that will actually benefit me pragmatically?

I thought I was done learning. I thought one day I would be done working.

Weā€™re not done until weā€™re dead.

Done with what?

Our lifeā€™s work.

What is our lifeā€™s work?

What we spend our time doing.

Control, Concern & #Choice

Posted: February 24, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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I found it to be a tangible sign of progression on my path that I stopped be as internally triggered by external reality not matching up with what I wanted, expected or hoped for.

Have a achieved zen? HA! We all need goals to chase.

Maybe itā€™s just part of growing older and accumulating more life experience that teaches us, whether we like it or not, that external reality is going to do what external reality is going to do and the best we can do is attempt to influence it then completely let go/detach from there.

I have gotten better at that.

There is a balance there too.

One can give up altogether. Stop trying.

Giving up control is good. Giving up altogether is bad.

Identifying what is in our control and what is not is a pillar of stoicism. It is one of the things that initially drew me to the ancient philosophy that has helped so many people for so many thousands of years.

I remember in the depths of my depression turning to personal development/self help books. In my case, audiobooks. My education in America taught me to hate learning. I hated reading. I would learn to unlearn to paradigm of hating learning, slowly, over time. Renting audiobooks from my local library was a big step in that direction.

One of the first authors that drew my attention was the late great Stephen Covey and his iconic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. A book I recommend to everyone that is capable of reading or listening to audiobooks.

More than his book were his speeches and interviews. Regardless of the material he preached, he had an amazing voice and a magnetic presence.

In his book and his talks he talked about two circles. The Circle of Control and the Circle of Concern. As one might guess, the circle of control is very small and the circle of concern is very big. Yet the attention we pay to each is often inversely proportional. I know it was for me when I first learned about the terms. I know that learning about those terms or any terms is in no way a cure all.

So it still takes constant effort over a decade and a half after first learning about what I have direct control over and what I have no control over. Iā€™ve studied stoicism through reading, listening to podcast, and watching videos for almost a decade now. No one thing magically makes my shortcomings or predispositions disappear.

But I am as grateful or more grateful for the progress Iā€™ve made in this area of my life than anything that has ever happened to me or anything I have ever done. Because putting my focus, energy, and effort towards things outside of my control has been a source of tremendous suffering for me. Life experience has shown me it is a great source of suffering for many if not most of the people I have ever met.

Meditation, stoicism, journaling, theanine, ashwaghanda have all helped me calm my mind, slow my thought streams down at least enough to realize I am in the witness and not a passenger.

Things happen.

I can choose to put my focus, energy, and effort into accomplishing a goal regardless of size or scope and then when I have done all that I am capable of doing to the best of my ability at that timeā€¦I can choose to let go and then I can choose to accept what is.

It is as it isā€¦

#Awareness of What We Do & Donā€™t Control

Posted: February 17, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It can be hard to focus on what we can control or influence when we have a harder time distinguishing between the two. Generations raised on movies, television, and social media have been socially conditioned to have egos the size of the Grand Canyon.

It often takes some negative external event to pop or at least penetrate the illusion that we are the center of the universe, we are the main character surrounded by NPCs, and/or we canā€™t always get what we want, when we want it, how we want it.

ā€œThe world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those who will not break it kills.ā€ Ernest Hemingway – A Farewell to Arms

I know for me it is a regular battle of focusing on things I have no control over whatsoever, realizing it, and changing my focus to something more productive or beneficial. But nothing in life of substance is a one and done. No magic pills to take or magic wands to wave.

Itā€™s human nature to focus on things outside of our immediate control in order to survive. What is going on in our environment around us is outside of our control. But how we maneuver within it to live to fight another day, is in our control. So we evolved with an outward focus rather than an inward focus.

So we constantly have to fight ourselves to prioritize what is pragmatic.

So much suffering comes from time and attention that turns into emotion spent on things completely outside of our control.

Equally or perhaps more frustrating for me has been the knowledge of this and still failing to execute properly. Identifying what is within my control, focusing on it, and still failing to take right action.

Awareness is the way out, but it still takes action to get there.

Recognizing and placing proportional value on what we directly have control over is necessary for peace of mind and quality of life.

Taking appropriate action consistently, habitually, that is a whole other ball of wax. But one can spend a lifetime chasing their own tail without the awareness of the difference between what we control and what we donā€™t.

One must take the time to genuinely think and write about this. I feel like with this issue deep thought and mediation are not enough. Our thoughts on this must be transcribed somehow to make a good faith attempt at attain wisdom here.

Luckily, choosing to make time, think deeply, meditate, write/journal, and reflection are all things we can control.

One thing at a time.

One choice at a time.

I think there is value there.

Perceived Momentum Solidifies #Habits

Posted: February 13, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Iā€™ve been a premium subscriber to Lumosity (brain games app) on and off for a decade now. I find it helpful. The older I get the more I realize my brain can use all the help it can get. Real, imagined, or placebo I donā€™t care. Donā€™t tell me about the labor pains just show me the baby.

I would use it reasonably consistently here and there then drop off. I would subscribe to the premium version when there was a sale on Cyber Monday or on New Yearā€™s Day something like that. Iā€™d start and stop and start and stop. Iā€™d unsubscribe and resubscribe. Does this cycle sound familiar or relatable?

I never confused it as a magic pill for a bulletproof brain. I just knew myself enough to know that Iā€™ve done enough detrimental work on my brain that a brain training app could at least serve as a beneficial use of time.

It has helped me at least a little. But what made it finally stick, just in the last year, was when I dropped the expectation of it helping my brain and doubled down on it helping me structure my time/daily schedule.

I realized that the value of just going through the motions, even half heartedly, provided as much value to me as putting full effort into using the app. How? Consistency.

I found that for me, the consistency of using the app everyday, without exception, even if I picked the quickest, easiest games, without enthusiasm or even a quarter of my concentration, did more for me that applying myself fully to the game once or twice a week and then forgetting about it for stretches of time.

As I did that more and more, and built up more and more streaks, a funny thing happenedā€¦my scores in all the games went up. I set my personal best records in all the games I played consistently. How? Consistency. I didnā€™t half ass it every time I opened the app.

But I did some of the times. When I was busy, feeling burned out, hungover, melancholy, distracted, multitasking, etc I still would take the time each day to open the app, and play the five games required to warrant completion and a little graphic at the end showing how many days I had completed my brain training consecutively.

There were however plenty of times where I was motivated, concentrated, caffeinated, enthusiastic and excited to play the games and try to beat my previous best score, to make up for a poor performance from yesterday and/or because I felt training extra memory or attention games would help me at an upcoming event.

This isnā€™t a paid ad for Lumosity (I wish) because itā€™s not about the particulate itā€™s about the general. Itā€™s about doing the thing consistently. Itā€™s about doing it every day, even half assed. Because if we do something everyday, half heartedness is inevitable but so is doing our best and so is doing better than we perceive we are capable of.

How?

Consistency.

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