Posts Tagged ‘mindfulness’

Control, Concern & #Choice

Posted: February 24, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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I found it to be a tangible sign of progression on my path that I stopped be as internally triggered by external reality not matching up with what I wanted, expected or hoped for.

Have a achieved zen? HA! We all need goals to chase.

Maybe it’s just part of growing older and accumulating more life experience that teaches us, whether we like it or not, that external reality is going to do what external reality is going to do and the best we can do is attempt to influence it then completely let go/detach from there.

I have gotten better at that.

There is a balance there too.

One can give up altogether. Stop trying.

Giving up control is good. Giving up altogether is bad.

Identifying what is in our control and what is not is a pillar of stoicism. It is one of the things that initially drew me to the ancient philosophy that has helped so many people for so many thousands of years.

I remember in the depths of my depression turning to personal development/self help books. In my case, audiobooks. My education in America taught me to hate learning. I hated reading. I would learn to unlearn to paradigm of hating learning, slowly, over time. Renting audiobooks from my local library was a big step in that direction.

One of the first authors that drew my attention was the late great Stephen Covey and his iconic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. A book I recommend to everyone that is capable of reading or listening to audiobooks.

More than his book were his speeches and interviews. Regardless of the material he preached, he had an amazing voice and a magnetic presence.

In his book and his talks he talked about two circles. The Circle of Control and the Circle of Concern. As one might guess, the circle of control is very small and the circle of concern is very big. Yet the attention we pay to each is often inversely proportional. I know it was for me when I first learned about the terms. I know that learning about those terms or any terms is in no way a cure all.

So it still takes constant effort over a decade and a half after first learning about what I have direct control over and what I have no control over. I’ve studied stoicism through reading, listening to podcast, and watching videos for almost a decade now. No one thing magically makes my shortcomings or predispositions disappear.

But I am as grateful or more grateful for the progress I’ve made in this area of my life than anything that has ever happened to me or anything I have ever done. Because putting my focus, energy, and effort towards things outside of my control has been a source of tremendous suffering for me. Life experience has shown me it is a great source of suffering for many if not most of the people I have ever met.

Meditation, stoicism, journaling, theanine, ashwaghanda have all helped me calm my mind, slow my thought streams down at least enough to realize I am in the witness and not a passenger.

Things happen.

I can choose to put my focus, energy, and effort into accomplishing a goal regardless of size or scope and then when I have done all that I am capable of doing to the best of my ability at that time…I can choose to let go and then I can choose to accept what is.

It is as it is…

#Awareness of What We Do & Don’t Control

Posted: February 17, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It can be hard to focus on what we can control or influence when we have a harder time distinguishing between the two. Generations raised on movies, television, and social media have been socially conditioned to have egos the size of the Grand Canyon.

It often takes some negative external event to pop or at least penetrate the illusion that we are the center of the universe, we are the main character surrounded by NPCs, and/or we can’t always get what we want, when we want it, how we want it.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those who will not break it kills.” Ernest Hemingway – A Farewell to Arms

I know for me it is a regular battle of focusing on things I have no control over whatsoever, realizing it, and changing my focus to something more productive or beneficial. But nothing in life of substance is a one and done. No magic pills to take or magic wands to wave.

It’s human nature to focus on things outside of our immediate control in order to survive. What is going on in our environment around us is outside of our control. But how we maneuver within it to live to fight another day, is in our control. So we evolved with an outward focus rather than an inward focus.

So we constantly have to fight ourselves to prioritize what is pragmatic.

So much suffering comes from time and attention that turns into emotion spent on things completely outside of our control.

Equally or perhaps more frustrating for me has been the knowledge of this and still failing to execute properly. Identifying what is within my control, focusing on it, and still failing to take right action.

Awareness is the way out, but it still takes action to get there.

Recognizing and placing proportional value on what we directly have control over is necessary for peace of mind and quality of life.

Taking appropriate action consistently, habitually, that is a whole other ball of wax. But one can spend a lifetime chasing their own tail without the awareness of the difference between what we control and what we don’t.

One must take the time to genuinely think and write about this. I feel like with this issue deep thought and mediation are not enough. Our thoughts on this must be transcribed somehow to make a good faith attempt at attain wisdom here.

Luckily, choosing to make time, think deeply, meditate, write/journal, and reflection are all things we can control.

One thing at a time.

One choice at a time.

I think there is value there.

#Rumination or Rut for Short

Posted: February 11, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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I came across the word rumination randomly and it immediately stood out and stayed in the forefront of my mind. I knew the word, I felt it strike a chord, but I didn’t immediately know the definition off the top of my head. So I looked up the definition online.

Rumination – a deep or considered thought about something. The action or process of thinking deeply about something.

Sounded right, looked right, made sense, then I saw a tab below with the definition from the American Psychiatric Association.

Rumination – a cycle of negative thinking. Rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences.

Ouch, that one struck a chord and cut deep. It’s human nature to want to deny that we can be categorized as a type. If I was at a different stage in my personal journey, I would deny, gaslight, change the subject, and refuse to acknowledge.

But I am who I am, and I am where I am. Rumination has been a norm, a standard for me. As a creative/artistic type, it comes with the territory. Artists are sensitive. Overly sensitive compared to the average Joe/Jane. We are more sensitive to both the highs and the lows, the positives and the negatives in life at both the micro and macro levels.

You can’t spell rut without rumination.

Ruts are built on a foundation of rumination. Ruts are funded by rumination. Ruts are mentored by rumination. Rumination holds fundraisers and provides endowments for ruts. You show me a human being in a rut and I’ll show you a human being dealing with rumination.

Repetitive thoughts? Is there another kind?

Dwelling is as natural for humans as blinking. From the boomer who still talks about their glory days playing sports in school to the teenager still heartbroken a year after getting dumped. The self fulfilling prophecies of rumination are the dark side examples of the law of attraction.

I feel like rumination should be used as regularly as the words stress, fear, anxiety, and depression in regards to mental/emotional health concerns.

When we can label something, our awareness of it immediately grows exponentially. What we can’t describe due to our naiveté makes us feel more alone and detrimentally unique. Like we’re the first to experience what we’re going through.

Meditation followed by affirmation practice(s) can help first break the cycle of counter productive thinking with present moment awareness, then replace them with beneficial thoughts and visualizations. Philosophy study can teach us that people have been experiencing the same mental/emotional issues that we’re dealing with for thousands of years and provide wisdom based guidance.

I also think it is not just important, but imperative, to pair these sedentary practices with physical exercise. I was doing physical exercise regularly for years before my meditation and philosophy practices. Weight training, yoga, machine based cardio, and nature trail walks/hikes (when the weather allows it) make up my regiment that I whole heartedly endorse for all humans.

But regardless of order and regardless of which one someone is already doing, it is equally important to train the body, the mind, and the spirit. All are connected. Healthier body, healthier mind, healthier spirit. Stronger body, stronger mind, stronger spirit.

Holistic approach is the best approach always.

Presence, Present, Granted & #Gratitude

Posted: February 6, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Stop and smell the roses.

Stopping and taking a deep breath is more pragmatic and less cliché.

It is human nature to dwell on the negatives and focus on the outcome/result. This tendency robs us of so much positive potential.

Things could always be worse. Modern technology emphasizes how much better things could be as a foundation for trying to sell us things. But that technology also allows us to see how worse off we could be compared to millions or in some cases, billions of other people.

Others having it worse doesn’t invalidate our problems or our feelings. Power positivity becomes toxic when it tries to make us feel bad about feeling bad. But just because we feel bad in a moment, doesn’t mean we have to make that negative feeling our dominate personality trait.

In some of my darker moments, it has been of real help and real value to look back and see how far I’ve come in my life journey. Some of the accomplishments, some of the fun times, some of the rewarding experiences, some of my day to day habits that were once long term goals.

It’s human nature to take things for granted once we get used to them. Meditation and mindfulness practice has helped me with this. Present moment awareness and gratitude go with meditation like peanut butter and jelly. Breaking the cycle of constant thinking, dis-identifying with any negative emotions, being able to be grateful for who I am and for what I have are small wins each time I meditate.

Philosophy has probably helped me more with this particular aspect of life. A study of philosophy is a study of human history. Stoicism in particular has helped me greatly when I slid into poverty. Shifting my focus from what is outside of my control to what is within my control. But also comparing the ancient world to the modern world, one can’t help but feel grateful for many of the pleasantries and technologies that were unimaginable in the from the eras of Aristotle and Marcus Aurelius to the days of Friedrich Nietzsche.

Electricity, indoor plumbing, refrigeration, clean cold drinking water, access to a variety of fresh foods year round, climate controlled shelter. Those basic amenities are still to this day foreign luxuries to many people in the world.

It is not just easy, it is natural to take things for granted when we are used to them. We face many challenges each day and night. Being human isn’t easy. But we face and handle external challenges as best we are able to. So perhaps we can internally challenge ourselves; to swap out taking some of the basics in life that we take for granted, with gratitude.

List out a few of those things to be grateful for. Either in internally, out loud, or on paper and before long, one has an affirmation practice going. Keep that affirmation practice going, keep actively being aware of all the things we have to be grateful for, and a weird thing happens…we start to have more and more to be grateful for.

Accept then Detach from #Thoughts & #Emotions

Posted: February 3, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It’s already hard to not identify with our emotions, without our culture ruthlessly exploiting our emotions perpetually professionally.

We’re never taught that we are not our thoughts, we are not our emotions. It’s usually the opposite or taught nothing at all. Figure it out as you go. On the job training. Job in this case being…being.

I’ve been meditating for over ten years, I’ve been studying spirituality for longer, journaling longer than that. I’ve been regularly studying stoicism seven years, started studying other philosophies on a regular basis four years ago…and negative emotions can still take me for a ride like a teenager in puberty.

Life may be simple, but easy? I don’t know about that one. The older I get, the more experiences I have, the more people I meet, it seems like living is hard.

If one were to say life is easy, they would at least agree that our emotions don’t add to the simplicity or ease of life. I feel confident in the determination that it is our emotions that are the primary sources of many of the difficulties and complexities of our collective and individual existence.

Are the things that happen to us hard and complex, or is it our emotional reactions that make them so?

Are the events of our life hard and complex, or is it our thoughts that make them so?

Detaching those two questions from spirituality teachers and gurus is worthwhile for all secular types. To be honest, most religious people I know would be wise to ask those questions regularly. I need to ask myself those questions more often, and I already had a couple of instances this week where I was asking myself those questions repeatedly.

Breathing, following the breath with our attention, walking, stretching, laughing can all help detach ourselves from the grip of our thinking mind and emotional reactions.

No one things is gonna make us go from A to Zen as if a magic wand was waved in front of our face.

But awareness is the way out.

It’s not just easy to get lost in our thoughts and emotions, it’s normal…it’s natural.

And if it was normal for us to get lost in productive thought streams and positive emotional reactions, then we’d be living in a utopia…and have you seen the news lately?

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