Posts Tagged ‘mindfulness’

Emotional Control is Essential

Posted: April 20, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It is hard to see external events as neutral.

Of course we are going to dye the world in the colors of our thoughts and emotions. How could we not? Are we taught that in school? I’m pretty sure the playground and cafeteria experience(s) of school teaches us the opposite.

How can we regulate our emotions?

Because we have to. We can’t be hot heads. We can’t be basket cases. No matter what our ethnicity, gender or astrological sign(s) may tell us. We can’t go flying off the handle at people, places, events and/or situations because our emotions are stirred up.

This goes for positive and negative emotions. Because getting to high when things go well leads directly into getting to low when things go poorly. Emotional regulation is mandatory for us to achieve our goals and be successful. Whether the goals and definition of success is externally material or internally immeasurable; we have to be able to control our emotions.

Is there anything more challenging? I suppose not identifying with our thoughts. It’s safe to say a majority of people living on planet Earth are completely identified with their thoughts and/or emotions.

We are easily distracted because we are so deeply identified with our thoughts and emotions. It’s why in America social issues are always at the forefront of political discourse. Because then the working class or 99% will fight amongst themselves over emotional hot button issues rather than on issues of economic equality and the historical lack thereof.

Awareness is the way out.

Maintaining separation from one’s thoughts and emotions can be the work of a lifetime. What do you think monks in monasteries are doing with their time?

To become aware that we are not our thoughts or emotions, we are the consciousness behind them, is one thing, to stay in that state is a whole other ball of wax. Today during my meditation practice I was barely able to stay focused on my breathing for a couple of five counts over the course of twenty minutes.

But we have to try. Especially in the area of the comment section. We have to try. Emotional regulation is as important to our health as breathing exercises, eating well, and hydrating. Easier said than done, just like everything else in this world.

A meditation practice in combination with studying philosophy and spirituality has been a big help for me over the years. Along with a regular journaling habit.

Using the Calm app for meditation, reading The Daily Stoic for philosophy, and watching Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts videos on YouTube makes up my most frequently used daily routine along with a one page thought vomit journal entry.

For many years now I have utilized supplements to help with my mood. Ashwaghanda, Theanine, and St. John’s Wort has been my go to stack for a long time. I recently took out St. John’s Wort to save a little money since I currently can’t afford all the supplements I would prefer to take. I know other people have had good results with GABA, Kava, Rhodiola, and flavored Magnesium Powder.

Emotional control is the work of a lifetime. If it were easy, the world would be unrecognizable. Why create problems for anyone else if one feels good or neutral all the time? So we try to take things one choice at a time. But we have to try. Well, I do at least. Maybe the people reading this by nature or nurture have had emotional regulation in the bag since childhood.

If that’s the case, I’ll have what you’re having.

Everyday Above Ground is a Good Day

Posted: April 18, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Somewhere between establishing a regular meditation practice and stumbling into studying philosophy via podcasts and YouTube videos, I became grateful to just be alive.

I used to be very pessimistic. Pessimism and depression go hand in hand. I used to be very depressed too. Ages 14 and 26 are when depression bit my head off and almost took me all the way down to drown in darkness.

I don’t remember exactly when or why I decided that I wanted to stay. But I stayed. I’m glad I did. I’m very grateful to be alive.

That doesn’t mean life is perfect. No such thing as perfect. That doesn’t mean that life is all sunshine and rainbows. Life is challenges. In all of life there is suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.

But to me, life is good, I’m glad to be alive.

Everyday above ground is a good day.

I used to say this habitually when people would ask me how I was doing or what’s going on or just as a general retort for a general greeting I would receive from friends, acquaintances, etc.

I stopped saying it when I said it to a woman who was suffering, clearly suffering, she told me in a very calm manner why she was suffering, then excused herself as she started crying. In all of life there is suffering. I felt tremendous empathy for that stranger in that moment. I remember thinking, just because I feel that way, doesn’t mean I need to broadcast it.

Actions > Words

Everyday above ground is a good day.

I do believe that is true. No one is forcing us to stay. We are free to leave at anytime. It has never been easier for one to leave this life if they don’t want to be here.

I think that might have been what convinced me to stay. I had been in such a negative state for so long, while having done so little, if anything to change my situation, that it got to the stage of, shit or get off the pot. Either stay or leave. But if I’m going to stay, I’m not going to be a cynical, pessimistic, energy vampire, negative asshole. So get pragmatically positive or leave.

So I chose to stay. I’m glad I did. I would advise most habitually negative people to have the same talk with themself, make the choice to stay or leave, and act accordingly.

Being grateful to be alive doesn’t make bad things not happen. Gratitude for one’s existence doesn’t mean challenges stop coming or suffering ceases. It provides a solid foundation to go from and a comfortable landing to fall back on when the challenges of life and suffering of existence present themselves.

Meditation practice helped me to cultivate inner space between stimulus and response for me to plug this gratitude for life into. If one has no inner space or inner peace, there isn’t time for gratitude because of the constant knee-jerk reactions to all the stimuli.

Philosophy studies helped provide context and perspective to existence and the human condition. Combining a meditation practice and philosophy study has provided me with a calibrated, pragmatic attitude of gratitude, sans toxic new age narcissistic positivity.

Every day above ground is a good day.

What about bad days? Well, what do you mean by bad? Is there universal bad? Or is bad a perception? Is bad a thought? Is bad a judgement? How do you know what bad is?

You mean challenging days? You mean days with suffering? Days with more suffering than neutrality or enjoyment? How do you know what a challenge is? How do you know what suffering is?

I guess I missed the meeting that said life is supposed to always be good all the time no exception ever.

There is no escaping the yin yang.

No light without dark. No silence without noise. No sweet without sour. No cold without hot. No wet without dry. No high without low. No life without death. No good without bad.

Everyday above ground is a good day.

Know Thyself

Posted: April 10, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Who am I?

A great question to ask oneself every day.

Who am I?

A meditation session prompt.

Who am I?

A spiritual practice in and of itself.

Who am I?

To be asked out loud and inside one’s head.

Who am I?

A name, a body, a gender, an ethnicity, an age, a job, a hobby, an economic class, a caste, a consumer, a thought, an emotion…

Who am I?

My thoughts, my opinions, my pop culture tastes, my bank account, my family name, my emotions, my judgements, my clothes, my car, my clout…

Who am I?

A question that seems so simple and easy. But when you take away all the basic, shallow, material answers, what is left?

Is it like asking the question where do thoughts come from? Where do dreams come from? Why do I breathe and blink automatically? What happens when we die? What will my next thought be?

Is it like one of those questions? Cause the answer isn’t one’s name, job, height, weight, or what we do for fun.

Who am I?

I found looking into that question, seeking the answer, to be as worthwhile of an undertaking as any I have ever engaged in. Finding answers from people like Alan Watts, Ram Dass and Eckhart Tolle brought something into my life that I desperately needed and feel most people are in desperate need of.

Like taking off soaking wet clothes after coming inside from a rain storm.

Who am I?

Oh, I’m not the constant streams of thoughts and emotions? I’m not how much value I can create in the capitalist system? I’m not the voice in my head? I’m not my memories? I’m not my successes? I’m not my future projections? I’m not my failures? What a relief.

Who am I?

I could not have hoped for fulfillment or contentment beyond a sugar high if I hadn’t learned the answer to that question. Maybe that’s when I first started living. I know that I am grateful to have the answer. No magic pill. No cure all. But without it I was truly lost. A slave to my moods and to things outside of my ability to control or influence.

Who am I?

Minimizing Mental Disconnects

Posted: April 9, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Common sense isn’t so common.

There is no universal experience after all. Every human being who has ever lived and will ever live will experience the world differently.

So how can there be common sense?

What is common to one is radical to another.

In myself and others I notice gaps between perception and reality when it comes to simple everyday type things. Not the big stuff. Not the metaphorical stuff. Not the complex stuff.

We all have mental disconnects. We forget. Our judgement lapses. We miscalculate.We overextend. We underestimate.

Mental disconnects, I know I’ve had plenty. Just yesterday I thought I was really firing on all cylinders. It wasn’t until midway through today that I realized I forgot to do two of the most important tasks I had planned for the day before.

I didn’t think about them at all. I had them noted. I knew I had to do them. Yet the thought to do two separate, planned tasks, escaped me for a day and a half. Yikes.

Mental disconnects. That’s the term I’m using for them.

Trying to minimize them comes more and more into focus as the years go on for me. I guess it can fall into the same category as trying to minimize mistakes.

I suppose one could put mental disconnects in the same category as self sabotage. Another interesting concept many people try not to think about. I know I’ve dealt with self sabotage, and not just in the distant past either.

Those seemingly innocuous concepts that also double as dirty words because of what they imply about humans and the human condition. Those things fascinate me. Because we are not perfect. I know I’m not.

Mental disconnects cause trouble and setbacks and problems. Not individually big, but they can compound. Trying to minimize mental disconnects is the work of a lifetime. A way to give meaning to the seemingly meaningless.

Is it a simple error in judgement? Or is it a mental disconnect that implies self sabotage? The quest for self improvement and personal development isn’t a quick, easy or simple one. If it was, the world would be an unrecognizable utopia of billions of people being the best version of themselves.

I know when I figure out a mental disconnect that has caused me trouble I feel accomplished. I feel I’ve done something worth while. Like fixing a leak or changing out a flat tire.

I feel that if I can figure out some of the smaller ones, eventually I’ll get to the bigger ones. You know, the life changing type things. Life is a serious of small steps and little things strung together and compounded over time. If I figure out the little things that go wrong, maybe that will lead to large scale solutions.

Maybe, possibly, but a worthwhile endeavor.

There’s work to be done, miles to go, but worth the trip.

Our Journey Doesn’t End Until We’re Gone

Posted: April 8, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Time only moves one way.

Whether it’s a construct or not. The sun rises and sets each day. The planet keeps rotating. We keep living until we don’t. Change is the only constant.

There is no arriving. There is no way to freeze time. All we can do is be fully in the moment. To breathe it all in. Take it all in. Commit the moment(s) to memory as best we can.

Then the next moment comes.

And the next one.

And the next one.

And the next one.

Time only moves one way.

We keep living, until we don’t.

What we think, what we feel, what we do doesn’t make time speed up or slow down. The moments don’t stop coming because we’re in a bad mood or having the best day ever.

There is no reset button.

Time only moves one way.

Stoic philosophy has taught me that people have been living as if they were going to live forever, for as long as there has been civilized society. Our survival instincts are swapped out for cruise control.

We’re all guilty of this. Seize the day is a ticket to hedonism. Denial of our death is equally irresponsible. I know when I look back on my life, I see large swaths of wasted time.

I’ve almost died twice. Yet within months of those incidents, I was certainly back to wasting time as if I had an infinite source of it.

When I look back at some of the memorable moments of my life. Whether it be accomplishment or failure, those events are followed by lots of wasted time. What is wasted time? Well, we all have to define that for ourselves based on our values.

Moments of failure were followed by periods of morning. Moments of accomplishment were followed by periods of celebration. It was as if I thought time paused until I was ready to do the next thing, to start the next journey.

But life is the journey. From the moment we are born until the moment we die we are on a journey. It doesn’t stop while we sleep. It doesn’t stop while we eat. It doesn’t stop while we use the bathroom. It doesn’t stop while we commute. It doesn’t stop while we’re doing chores. It doesn’t stop while we’re doing busy work. It doesn’t stop while we’re intoxicated. It doesn’t stop while we’re sick.

Life doesn’t stop, the journey doesn’t end, until we’re gone.

I found stoic philosophy after my first parent died. I embraced stoic philosophy and my meditation practice both that much more when my second parent died.

Keeping death in mind is no magic pill or cure all that makes us live our best lives an ever increasing better version of ourselves, but it does help with perspective. I know my life was lacking in perspective for a long time.

Pairing perspective with perseverance is a good one two punch for knocking me back on my path when I veer off course. Both perspective and perseverance are helpful, pragmatic concepts to utilize on a journey.

And we are on a journey. Life is a journey and it doesn’t end, until we’re gone.

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