Posts Tagged ‘self help’

The #Habit of Fear is the Hidden Obstacle to Overcoming #Fear Itself

Posted: August 7, 2014 in Stimulus Space Response
Tags: , , , ,
0

ssrlogo2

by @anarchyroll
8/6/2014

Overcoming fear is part of life. They say fear is only in the mind, so is the idea that overcoming fear is a single act or moment that lasts forever.

Conquering fear is a process. If you want to master a skill, it will be a process of growth. Like exercising, if the muscle(s) aren’t continuously worked, they will regress.

Fear is bad enough, and gets written about quite a bit. A concept/aspect of fear that I am yet to encounter literature on is the habit of fear. The habit(s) of thinking, perceiving, and/or acting in fear based ways can remain long after the fear itself has been conquered.

These habits of thought, perception, and action can cause the illusion of regression, which can then cause a regression in the model of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have noticed within myself that even when I don’t feel any physical fear or anxiety when attempting to do something that once terrified me, I will sometimes still not follow through with the right action that is in line with my goals. Why would I not take action if I’m not feeling afraid or thinking fearful thoughts?

Because there is a vacuum of space in my mind and spirit where fear used to be. The habits of fear based thoughts, perceptions, and actions are so cemented into my being after so many years, that it isn’t enough to blow up the concrete, I have to build something new as well.

It is both frustrating and humbling, because it exposes the progress I have made as well as the lack thereof. It lets me know I have much work still left to do after what feels like two lifetimes worth of an odyssey of the mind, heart, and spirit.

It is also something I was/am unprepared for. I thought once I stopped having such frequent, intense panic attacks when pressed up against the edge of my comfort zone that I would just naturally move forward by larger and larger increments. I falsely assumed once I reached a certain point of progress I would only take steps forward as opposed to continuing to take steps backwards.

I thought conquering fear was a destination, not an ongoing process.

But there is no aspect of personal development that is a final destination. Constant growth, evolution, improvement, change is required to achieve any and all goals. Whether the goal is material or immaterial, internal or external, physical or metaphysical.

I just wish I would have known that there would be a vacuum of space that existed where the fear used to be. The habit of fear in addition to the fear itself. That getting to the top of the mountain doesn’t mean much unless there is infrastructure below me to get back down and move on to the next challenge life has to offer.

I know what I have to do and should do which is choosing to do courage and taking right action. But I have fallen into holes in the ground of not doing what I know I should/need to do, then getting caught in the paralysis of analysis. Getting trapped in a cycle of going to sleep determined and waking up with progress amnesia. So many bad habits formed and cemented during all of my formative years. I go to sleep having made progress getting out of a ditch only to wake up in the morning to find I sleep-walked my way back to where I was yesterday, last week, last month, etc.

Habits, not the fear itself, but the residual effects of living a fear based existence for 3/4 of my life. I don’t feel afraid but I act afraid. I don’t take action when I want to because I am so used to being to afraid to act that stagnation is the status quo.

The habit of fear. Another obstacle to get to self-mastery. Though this concept feels more like black ice than a brick wall.

#TheGame by Neil Strauss was my Slippery Slope to Self Help

Posted: July 21, 2014 in Stimulus Space Response
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

ssrlogo2ajclogo2

by @anarchyroll
7/20/2014

Learning how to talk to women in bars and nightclubs for the sole purpose of having casual/promiscuous sex is not what one would call the traditional road to enlightenment and inner peace. The Game by Neil Strauss is not a personal development/self-help book. It is an entertaining non fiction story intertwined with a how to manual of how to become a more socially suave man. Many women think of this book and other “seduction” manuals and are offended at the concept and existence of such material. The seduction community has some message board posts that can be considered the Rosetta Stone of internet trolling. However, without The Game I never would have become a well read person, and never would have been able to look beyond the stigma of consuming personal development/self-help materials.

I was never taught how to talk to women, or how to talk to girls for that matter. I was socially conditioned during my youth of watching television to look at women as either objects or villains. Pamela Anderson and pro wrestling provided me an education of women that I was too afraid to learn from first hand experience. Embarrassment and looking dumb in public settings while interacting with women is often too much for the male ego to bear.

There are plenty of men out there who when it comes every level of interacting with women are natural(s). They are the exception, not the rule.  The inability and/or unwillingness most men have push through the pain of getting to the other side of their comfort zone, is much more of a psychological/medical condition that  most people would give it credit for. The genuine emotional and mental pain most men experience at just the thought of failing at socializing with the opposite sex is hard to put into words. To imply one needs to simply man up, is akin to telling clinically diagnosed psychotics to just stop being crazy.

My inability and ignorance with the opposite sex led to an uncountable number of panic attacks, emotional breakdowns/meltdowns, and repeated diversions of time, concentration, and effort in the direction of my life’s purpose.

In the tradition of the double-edged sword, being introduced to The Game eventually led to me to reading other self-help books as well as the personal development and human potential movements. I discovered both after consuming so much social dynamics and pick up artist material, that I realized the hole I was trying to fill inside of myself was deeper and more profound than a hook up or series of hook ups could fill.

But I never would have gotten to personal development without The Game. The social stigma that pick up artists face is the same that self-help books have. That something is unnatural or wrong about both the information and the people who consume/apply the material(s). I thought self-help was stupid and to consume that knowledge meant that I was weak, defective, and a failure of a human being. I thought having to read a book about how to meet women meant that I was a failure as a man.

The real failure is in knowing one is not living their life the way they want to and/or feel they should and continuing to live that way rather than seeking help in the knowledge of books or mentors. Although we would all prefer to be perfect inside and out, part of the human condition is the inadequacies we have as people internally and/or externally. I am happy that my decision to face rather than deny my failures as a social being as a gateway to address the rest of my deficiencies at both the deep and shallow levels.

And it’s a fun book to read.

 

The Simple But Not Easy #Pardaox

Posted: July 14, 2014 in Stimulus Space Response
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

ssrlogo2ajclogo2by @anarchyroll
7/13/2014

Life is simple but not easy.

A paradox that confuses and confounds more human beings than those who have a grasp on it. Identifying problems is simple, enacting solutions is not easy.

I am aware of most of my flaws, shortcomings, and failures but taking the corrective action I know that I need to take is difficult at the highest level. Becoming aware was simple, taking action has not been easy.

I have been amazed at how hard enacting solutions has been in my personal development. I see my errors and/or am aware when I am taking a step backwards, failing, etc but it is as if there is an invisible hand metaphorically holding me in place, holding me in a script of stagnant, repetitive, counter productive decisions and/or actions.

I think there are a lot of people who can relate. I don’t look at myself as some kind of uniquely cursed wannabe martyr. I believe an overwhelming number of human beings struggle with self mastery. Finding the balance between patience and hustle can be tricky.

Paradigms die hard and shift slow. Traditionally change is slow and gradual. But the ego/shadow or the part of yourself that doesn’t want to change will use the truth of slow change, as an excuse and justification for not taking action in the moments of choice.

To be a coward when courage is required. I have run against this sticking point which at times feels like bouncing off a brick wall. How to move past this? Identifying that is simple:

  • Persistence of effort
  • Boldness and trust in the face of adversity and the unknown
  • Pushing through the pain period

That is what is required, that I know.

How to enact those principles, tactics, and techniques when my mind is racing or blank, my breathing is short, my stomach is in knots, and/or my limbs are shaky? Well, that’s hard, but nothing worth having comes easy. And self-mastery and living life as the best version of myself is certainly worth having.

 

Finally a How To Manual in #Mastery of Skills and of Self

Posted: July 12, 2014 in Stimulus Space Response
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
0

ssrlogo2ajclogo2

by @anarchyroll
7/11/2014

Robert Green is never afraid to tackle the subjects that are so big and ubiquitous that they are more often worried about than talked about.

Mastery like The 48 Laws of Power that came before it, can fall under the category of practical life instruction manual. If you want to know how to get from where you are to where you want to be, in regards to what you dedicate your life to.

Using mini biographies of multiple historical figures from hundreds of years ago, to a hundred years ago, to modern-day masters of their craft(s), Greene uses his storytelling ability to show how anyone can be the next Albert Einstein or Freddie Roach.

The beauty of the book is the same place where the devil is, in the details. The book does it’s part to kill the concept of the magic pill (the mythical thing that will shortcut us to where we want to be without any of the hard work or sacrifice).

Although natural gives, talent, charisma, etc is acknowledged it takes a distant backseat to the hard work, time, and sacrifice each figure of study committed to becoming the legends they are known as. The book teaches many lessons of life that should be mandatory in public schools, especially for adolescents. But, there are more than the lions share of adults living their life in a waking daze, who would benefit immensely from reading this book.

Applying sweat equity to natural gifts and desire is the way to success. Patience, perseverance, and personal boundaries must be exercised along the way. Learning from those who came before you, as well as those who are considered better than you by your peers is a valuable resource, as long as you use the knowledge to improve yourself, and evolve that which you wish to do with your life. There are no shortcuts, but you must seize opportunities of fortune that come your way and maximize the potential of the moment to maximize your personal potential.

Mastery like all of Greene’s work is not a quick or easy read, which is appropriate. Because to attain knowledge and mastery (no pun intended) of the subjects he writes about, quickness and easiness have no place near attaining the information Greene writes about and shares with the world.

No matter what your passion in life is, reading Mastery will help you become better at it. The information in the book is principle based as opposed to tactic/technique based. Consuming then applying the information in this book can help make you not just a better worker or a better person, but can bring you vastly closer to being your best self, and not just doing what you want with your life, but it can lead you down the path of being the best at it.

I recommend reading Mastery or in my case, listening to the audio book, wholeheartedly because it is everything that is right about the personal development/self-help movement, mindset, and book genre.

The Awareness / #Intent to #Change Trap

Posted: July 2, 2014 in Stimulus Space Response
Tags: , , , , , ,
0

ssrlogo2ajclogo2

by @anarchyroll
7/2/2014

One must be aware they have a problem and/or need to change before anything can be accomplished in the direction of personal growth.

However, awareness is only the first step and personal development/self help is way more than a twelve step staircase.

The intent to change is mandatory. One must state their intent to themselves, writing it down in a journal is also mandatory. However, the intent to change can be a double-edged sword to those who think that awareness of a problem/short coming and the intent to change will do the work for them.

This is one of my biggest personal failures in my quest to be my best self. Constantly, repeatedly thinking that my intent to change will do the work for me when I am pressed up against my comfort zone in the moment(s) of choice.

There is no substitute for taking action.

No amount of awareness or positive intent to change will create substantial change. The negative/counter productive habits of thought, perception, and action can only be changed by consistent new actions to create new points of reference. Only by taking the actions and creating a new pool of reference experiences will you create your new reality.

That is how we dig ourselves into holes, that is how we dig ourselves out; action.

Awareness is the way out, that is true. One can’t change without the intent to change, that is also true.

But we only change outside of our comfort zone. It is easy to be aware of our short comings and intend to change while we’re not being tested by ourselves or by the external world around us. Feeling the fear in the stomach when the moment of choice is upon us, is where/when we must exercise courage and take action in the direction of the change and new reality we wish to manifest.

Trying and failing is fine. Trying and coming up a little short is fine. Step by step, day by day. But the key word/concept is trying, trying is action. We must build new reference experiences for our mind to access. Those reference experiences, as the continuously, constantly accumulate, eventually become our new reality for better and for worse. We can do this with an exercise regiment or by eating like a pig, by being the life of the party or a wallflower, cultivating a new hobby/skill set or binge watching digital video programming.

That’s why the saying goes: “easier said than done”.

Awareness is not easy to cultivate, having it is an accomplishment.

Intent to change eludes many for entire lifetimes.

But at the end of the day anyone can want to change, think they have to change, plan to change, and say they want to change. But it’s all about action. We can’t pay our bills with positive intention. I won’t meet a romantic partner because I am aware that I want to. None of us progress (or decline) without action. Don’t get caught in the ego centered quicksand of believing that wanting to change is enough, simply wanting anything is never enough.

…Action…

 

 

 

Older Entries
Newer Entries