To Trust Oneself is to Live

Posted: March 14, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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How can we trust ourselves if we’ve made so many mistakes and/or repeated many of the same mistakes over a long period of time?

A simple question, without an easy answer. As is life.

It can be made more complicated after one begins their self improvement/personal development journey. Learning about concepts like imposter syndrome, self sabotage, the ego, the pain body, and our shadow self.

Psychology, philosophy, and spirituality can seem so overwhelming at times that many throw their hands up and dismiss them altogether. They throw the baby out with the bath water. Life can be hard and complicated enough. Life seems to get more difficult and complex with each passing year with more and more technological integration into daily life.

Self compassion is a good first step towards self trust. Self trust, seems to me, to be a middle ground, on the path towards self love.

Mistake repetition has been one of the most maddening aspects of life for me. No one’s fault but my own. Zero percent external blame. Not nature nor nurture. Yet I have repeated so many mistakes over the course of my life, it has been enough, at times; for me to throw my arms up in the air, say it is what it is, and live helpless and blameless to the whims of the universe.

But I choose not to. Repeatedly.

Self acceptance is a precursor to self compassion. I am not perfect. Nobody is. Don’t let the photo filters and video edits fool you, nobody is perfect, not even close.

The fact that so many humans feel the deep seeded need to portray a perfect image outward to people they don’t know and will never meet speaks volumes to how imperfect we all are.

Change is the only constant. Which means that there is a constant changing of variables happening, in every conceivable aspect of ourselves, and the world we are living in, that we can’t ever come close to always being right or doing the right thing. We can try. We have to try. What else is there? Giving up, doing nothing. I tried those. I found those to be mentally and emotionally cannibalistic paradigms.

So we start small. Very small. What’s below baby steps? That, there, do that. One at a time. We can identify what we have direct, immediate control of. Put all focus, energy, and effort towards those things. Then our circle of influence expands, by keeping small promises to ourselves. That is what Stephen Covey believed and preached, very successfully, for a very long time. I have found that paradigm to be true for me.

To learn to trust oneself begins with small steps but is no small undertaking. All big things have small beginnings. How we do the little things is how we do everything. From that point of view, trusting oneself truly is learning how to live.

Living for our Present & Future vs Our Past

Posted: March 9, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Living in the present moment sounds so simple, too simple perhaps. If it was easy for people to be present, rather than identified with their thoughts, emotions, and/or memories, the world we live in would be unrecognizable.

Our past makes us who we are. What led us to this very moment in time? Our past. For better and for worse. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Our past choices became habits became patterns became the way we lived our lives. Many people live life unaware of this fact and even more are unaware that we can choose.

Meditation has been a life saver for me. Those close to me have heard me say that many times by now. Meditation helped me break the hold of identifying with my thoughts, my emotions, and as Eckhart Tolle says; my life situation.

We are not our thoughts, we are not our emotions, we are not our life situation.

What a wonderful concept. A moment of internal liberation. If only it was a one time, permanent fixing, magic pill, cure all. Meditation is not a magic cure all. Nothing is. The discovery that I am not my thoughts, I am not my emotions, I am not my past trauma was the beginning of awareness.

Awareness is the way out. Becoming aware was the first step, of the first day, of the rest of my life.

Step by step, day by day. One thing at a time. One choice at a time. That is how we live in the present moment. That is how we live for our future self that we would like to become. That is how we separate ourselves from our past, our trauma, our inapplicable teachings, our perceptions that no longer serve us, our old ways of doing things.

It’s just like most things in life; simple NOT easy.

Sure we can try, but what happens if we fail? What happens if we don’t try? What happens if we succeed? What happens if we sabotage ourself? What happens if we give up? We happens if we achieve mastery? What happens if we try, try, try again and nothing external changes?

First, gratitude. Always, gratitude. Gratitude is gravity. Gratitude is glue. Gratitude is what you lay the foundation on top of.

Then


Step by step, day by day. One thing at a time. One choice at a time. We choose, to do what we can, with what we have, to the extent we are capable of doing.

Change is hard, change is slow, change can be painful. If the opposite were true, the world we live in would be unrecognizable.

So we have to forgive ourself. We have to accept ourself. We have to love ourself. We have to support ourself. We have to cheer on ourself. We have to champion ourself. Life can be hard enough. Change is made harder if we are hard on ourself.

Simple NOT easy.

It can seem overwhelming. It can seem insurmountable. It can seem impossible. That’s why we do things of this nature;

Step by step, day by day. One thing at a time. One choice at a time. One breath at a time.We choose, to do what we can, with what we have, to the extent we are capable of doing.

That is how we live in the present moment. That is how we live for our future self that we would like to become. That is how we separate ourselves from our past, our trauma, our inapplicable teachings, our perceptions that no longer serve us, our old ways of doing things.

Simple NOT easy.

Worth a try.

Possible, Probable, Immeasurable, Balance

Posted: March 6, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Balance

Possible? Yes. Probable? Well


That all depends.

Depends on what?

Well if you live in a capitalist controlled society, how much is money a direct concern for your ability to eat, drink, and be sheltered?

Are you living paycheck to paycheck just to survive? Constantly working to keep your head above water and only living on the survival plain?

If yes, then rest is a luxury. It shouldn’t be. Not this side of the industrial revolution. But it seems as though technological advances are weaponized against the working class in order to force more productivity for less compensation. See A.I doing to the white collar class what machines did to the blue collar class forty years ago.

From a place of stress and survival balance seems like a theory and a fantasy created by those who have never known struggle. But the ancient philosophies and spiritual practices that cultivate and tend to our hearts and souls come from a time when all there was to do was survive, when slavery was standard, and life expectancy was a fraction of what it is today.

Wisdom is wisdom for reason. Concepts, teachings, and ways; stand the test of time for a reason.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

When one spends the majority of their waking hours “earning a living”, and just trying to keep a roof over one’s head, as I spent many years doing myself; using limited leisure time for something other and pleasure is scary. That fear is often masked with dismissiveness, sarcasm, excuses, cynicism, and/or denial.

We work hard, we have the right to play hard. When one spends their time in the service of someone else’s dreams of making more, having more, producing more, extracting more
we want to spend our time off the clock doing what we want.

I understand this. I’ve eaten my feelings more times than I could ever attempt to count. I spent countless hours binge watches shows, rewatching movies, and marathoning video games because work sucks, I put in my time on the clock, and after my commute home it was ME time.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

But entertainment and escapism only worked so long for me before it all became shallow, then hollow, then empty, then a void, then burnout, then darkness.

We must challenge ourselves to work on ourselves and for ourselves, even when we feel we’re being worked to the bone and driven into the ground. It is hard. It is unknown. It is scary. It is work. It is hard. But it is worth it. Why?

Because we become better versions of ourselves. Individually, not in a cookie cutter way. Emotional regulation is different for everybody. Peace of mind is different for everybody. Overcoming fear is different for everybody. Letting go of the past is different for everybody. Physical fitness is different for every body. Mindfulness is different for everybody. Applied philosophical wisdom is different for everybody.

The principles are the same, the wisdom is the same, the application and results are unique because we are all unique.

I slept poorly for a third of my life. I spent my waking hours in a poor mental emotional state for half of my life. I had to work for a living. But when I stopped dedicating all of my leisure time to escaping and entertaining myself and went to work on myself, for myself
my sleep, my mind, my emotions all slowly and steadily became better.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m still going, still working on it, no magic pill, no cure all, no end point until the end of my life. However, now I move forward with some stillness and balance.

Immeasurable? Yes.

Immeasurably better? Yes, please, thank you.

Emotional by Nature, Compassionate by Choice

Posted: February 29, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Our lives are dyed by the color of our thoughts.

We focus on what we look at.

We get what we focus on.

We are what we repeatedly do.

Trying to create and cultivate space between what happens to us, and our thoughts and emotions regarding what happens to us can be very hard. And certainly is not the default state of doing things for human beings.

They’re called snap judgements for a reason.

In the blink of an eye.

We’ll react with fervent emotion, containing very little, if any, rational thought.

But of course, in the moment of choice, we don’t just think, we know we’re right. We feel it. We don’t know it. We feel it.

Which is more powerful a thought or a feeling?

Which is more influential?

What was the world like during the vast majority of human history before rational thought?

Of course we construct the world through the paradigm of our emotions. Our emotions predate language by at least 100,000 years and rational thought by around 300,000 years.

We evolved to construct the world with our emotions. It is the norm to construct the world with our emotions. We are emotional creatures.

The modern world is one of logic and reason. At least it is officially, on the table, for appearances, in public. But living life is a private matter. Emotions and feelings rule the day for the vast majority of people. If it were the other way around the world would be incomprehensibly different.

So we must have more compassion and empathy for ourselves AND others.

I have found maintaining self compassion and empathy towards others to be a challenge despite large quantities of meditation practice and spirituality study. Negativity and selfishness seem to be increasingly amplified and glorified in the western world. I wonder why that is? Put another log on the fire.

Is it in our nature to be compassionate and empathetic? I believe so. I believe it is, barely, in our nature. Just enough that it can be cultivated, expanded, and spread around in the spirit of emotional contagion.

I know there are, have been, and likely will be plenty of days where I will need to give myself compassion and empathy. Living can be hard and complex.

That means that others need it to. Some more than others. I know I’ll have to develop my ability to extend compassion and empathy. But it’s a challenge worth taking on and conquering. It is a good fight to take on and win.

Because compassion and empathy are good things. Two things we need more of for ourselves. Two things this world needs more of from us.

We’re Not Done Until We’re Dead

Posted: February 27, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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We’re not done until we’re dead.

Done with what?

Our life’s work.

What is our life’s work?

What we spend our time doing.

Time, the one thing we can’t get back regardless of how rich or poor we are.

It is normal to spend the majority of one’s life just trying to survive as long as possible.

Human, animal, plant
survival and replication is the name of the game, the purpose of life.

But things have changed for some people in some parts of the world depending on external factors completely outside of their control that determine whether or not they can devote their waking hours to doing something that has come to be known as
thriving.

Not just surviving, but thriving.

Not just living moment to moment, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year. But something the privileged say is greater than just going on until we can’t go on anymore.

Something greater than doing what I am capable of doing to live to see another day? Wonderful! I’m in, sign me up, mark me down, I love it, I want it. This means my all my necessities will be provided for me so I can focus completely on thriving right? Right?

No, I am still completely responsible for my own survival. But now, I have to choose to find, cultivate, and expend from within me an entire new being’s worth of focus, energy, effort, determination, and consistency to dedicate my life to something greater? Even though I still have to devote the majority of my waking hours to doing what I am capable of doing to make sure I don’t die homeless, starving, and dehydrated?

Luckily we can choose what to focus on. We can choose how to perceive things. We can choose how to feel. We can choose how to act and what to do.

Not by default though. After all, we would be urinating and defecating where we sit or stand without being potty trained. So we have to learn the theories, concepts, skills, tools, practices, habits, rituals and routines to develop and improve ourselves gradually, over time, patiently into a better more actualized version of ourselves.

How many steps is that? How many choices is that? How many days is that? How many years is that? What is the cost of that? Why is it up to me to do all that? Shouldn’t they be teaching us those things in school? Shouldn’t that be paid training on how to live rather than pay to play?

Luckily we can choose what to focus on. We can choose how to perceive things. We can choose how to feel. We can choose how to act and what to do.

I suppose trying to be a better person is a better use of leisure time than watching tv. But what about people who don’t have leisure time?

That’s out of my control or ability to influence. The best thing I can do is focus on improving myself without negatively impacting others. No harm, no foul. Becoming a better version of myself may even end up having a positive effect on the people around me. That is certainly a good thing. To positively impact the people, places, and things around us.

It would be nice to know why we have to discover this on our own and do it on our own when in America we are forced to spend the first quarter of our lives being educated. Educated in what? For what? Now I have to spend the rest of my life learning and applying knowledge that will actually benefit me pragmatically?

I thought I was done learning. I thought one day I would be done working.

We’re not done until we’re dead.

Done with what?

Our life’s work.

What is our life’s work?

What we spend our time doing.

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