Posts Tagged ‘human nature’

#Gratitude Makes Everything Better

Posted: April 26, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Is anything universal or is it all relative?

The more life experience I accrue the more I find things to be relative. No two people experience the world the same way after all.

The closest thing I’ve found to a universal positive is gratitude. Gratitude meditations, gratitude affirmations, gratitude expression, all seem to have a net positive for myself and many others for many centuries.

I think why gratitude is universal is because it is pragmatic. Being grateful for one thing doesn’t mean we have to be grateful for everything. And all living beings have at least one thing to be grateful for.

Expressing gratitude either internally or externally or both can be a useful aide to stop the bleeding when the external challenges of life metaphorically cut us on on an artery. Does expressing gratitude make our challenges or problems go away? Of course not. Does expressing gratitude make anything worse? Of course not.

Even an insincere expression of gratitude is better than no gratitude. Bringing one’s attention into the present moment to offer fake gratitude for something will even for a moment take one’s mind off a negative situation. Shifting attention and perception is often a first step to handling a challenging situation.

I know for me I need to express gratitude constantly. I have reminders on my phone and sticky notes in my bedroom about gratitude. My favorite guided meditation sessions are often about gratitude. I’ve had detrimental habits of thought, perception, and emotion. Gratitude is a beneficial habit that I can pepper in when the going gets tough and I need to get going.

Does gratitude drastically make everything better? Well, is ice cream only good with toppings? No, but it can make a good thing even better and can make something that sucks a lot suck a little less.

In the midst of hard times and dark days, finding something simple, and super basic to be grateful for can be a needed break and bright spot. I know gratitude has at least helped me at least little bit while suffering. Then when I’ve gotten to the other side of suffering the gratitude is that much greater.

For one to think there is nothing to be grateful for is a classic cry for help. Which is another reason why gratitude makes everything better. One may be blind to their situation until they hear themselves say out loud they have nothing to be grateful for. Gratitude serves as a wonderful metaphorical mirror for all of us.

For one to have an abundance of things to be grateful for is a great way to start the day. Better than starting the day with the alternative perception. Easier to remember all the things one has to be grateful for after morning coffee in my experience.

Keeping gratitude in mind throughout the day, when dealing with the external world is why I have reminders and very much need them. Also why I still use guided meditations as the anchor of my practice despite being a regular meditation practitioner for over a decade. Gratitude serves as both an ideal anchor and springboard.

A multi purpose, multi faceted metaphysical tool available at all times for all people. Gratitude makes everything better.

One thought at a time

One choice at a time

One action at a time

One thing at a time

I am grateful.

Peace Without Passivity?

Posted: April 22, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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The perception of peace coupled with passivity seems as natural as peanut better going with jelly and peas with carrots. I find that the balance I am looking for internally and externally is a combination of peace and proactivity.

To be in a peaceful state, in my experience, lends itself to being laid back, chill, and just letting things happen. But that’s a trap. It’s better than the combination of inner and outer turmoil. That combination is a one way ticket to a medical facility.

Aspiring for pragmatic balance between inner peace and external proactivity is a personal development example of why our life’s work is never done until we’re dead. For years and years I would over correct from one end of the extreme to the other. Too busy to too lazy, to hectic to too peaceful, too aggressive to too passive.

Is it ever just right or is that for fairy tales and Hollywood movies?

We all need goals to chase after all.

To find balance between inner peace and external proactivity is a goal pursuit worthy of a life’s work. To be peaceful enough to not sweat the small stuff yet assertive enough to not be taken advantage of while being able to take advantage of win-win opportunities.

In a clean, quiet, stressless, anxiety free, vacuum sealed environment a balance of inner peace and external proactivity sounds simple enough. A few minutes in the chaos prone real world will put a goal like that on the long term goal list real fast.

But it is when the world is challenging us that we need the peace without passivity the most. That is why it is so rare and can be even hard to comprehend and put into words. Because it just isn’t natural.

A trip to any populated public place will show anyone this. Any crowded store, street, park, concert, sporting event, bar, nightclub, or coffee shop drive thru will show how humans naturally act is not synonymous with a balance of peace without passivity. It’s usually a lot of one and little to none of the other.

Don’t want to go out to a public place? That’s fine, just look at your own behavior when you’re hungry and/or haven’t had your morning coffee. Two states of human behavior so common they’ve been a point of cultural parody for almost a century. Snickers has been running an ad campaign on the concept of hangry for what seems like two decades now.

Internally peaceful, externally proactive. What a thought. What a concept. What a goal. What an ideal. Possible? Of course. Practical? Well that depends.

Nature and nurture as per usual loom heavy over how we think, perceive, feel, and act internally and externally. What can we do for ourselves here and now to move towards this ideal?

I’ve found that my path towards this goal, my very long, winding, obstacle ridden path on my way towards this goal involves a combination of yoga/meditation practice(s), weight training, studying philosophy, journaling and taking supplements.

Nothing innovative or unique about that list. Certainly nothing to copyright there. No magic wand or alchemy like combination. But my life before all of those practices and protocols was nothing resembling peaceful or proactive. I find all of my idols regardless of age, gender, or field of expertise have a similar list of hobbies.

I know that I think of that list when I feel the internal anxiety of the external challenges presented by life pressing against me in moments of choice. I know that without the years I’ve put into meditation, journaling, exercise, and my supplement regimen that my ability to cope with the challenges of life would be drastically inferior to my ability now.

So I do recommend them. Not in specific form but in generic form to be tailored to the lifestyle and life experience of each individual who would incorporate yoga/meditation, weight lifting, journaling, philosophy, and nutritional supplements into their life.

Aides, helpers, boosts, a nudge, a push, support…that what meditation/yoga, weight lifting, philosophy, journaling, and supplements provide. Nothing more, nothing less. No magic wand. No cure all. No shortcut. No doing the work for me.

I just know I can use all the help I can get. And I hope those things can help you too.

Failing is the Default

Posted: April 20, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Fear of failure is normal. Who wants to fail? Fear of failure is adjacent to fear of the unknown. Both lend themselves to the voices in our heads and our mental movies running amok with projections of worst possible scenarios.

“To err is human, to forgive divine”

I genuinely couldn’t guess the number of mistakes I’ve made in my life.

I genuinely wouldn’t want to keep a running tally for more than an hour.

Humans are imperfect. All of us. No exceptions. Even the exceptional ones are flawed.

Forgiving ourselves, and forgiving others for making mistakes and repeating mistakes is divine because that is extraordinarily exceptional. Why?

In the time before curated social media feeds and visual filters, we would project our self hatred for our failures onto the failures of other people. Now, in a world where people who are able to fake perfection professionally on social media are increasingly rewarded and lionized, there is an extra layer of shame added to failure.

Failure is normal. Failure is the standard. If we succeeded at everything we tried all the time the world we live in would be truly unrecognizable. We need to try, fail, learn and try again on never ending cycles. We don’t stop trying and failing until we die.

To err is human.

We are all going to die. We are all going to fail. Everything is going to change.

It’s hard to constantly try and fail. We are human after all. So of course thoughts and emotions come into the mix. Our thoughts and emotions and perceptions make us human.

Failing a lot and repeated the same mistakes?! Oh boy, I know that combo. I’d rather have the combo that involves a burger and fries.

To err is human.

Empathy, compassion, understanding are constantly needed for ourselves and others. How much negativity comes from the perceptions and emotions surrounding failure?

Failing in front of other people?! Eek, been there. Failing in front of other people was already a cruel enough fate before the possibility of all bystanders having a high definition camera in the palm of their hand pointed in your direction.

Forgiveness, acceptance, patience, perspective are needed as much as the internal desire to check our feeds and doom scroll. Love and gratitude go well here too, but they go well everywhere every time for everyone.

To err is human.

It would be nice if things went according to plan. That’s why when they do we celebrate and feel so good. Because it’s so special when it actually happens. Success is so extraordinary that it is universally cause for celebration whenever it happens at every level of life. That’s why the concept of the treat was invented.

But life is hard by default and failure is the default result of action and effort. Ease and success don’t go hand in hand. Not in real life or in the media. All the best movies, shows, video games, and songs involve struggle or hardship at least at first.

To err is human.

It’s why we try hard but are then soft and easy on how we treat ourselves and other people. The hard and complex are for the actions and the things. Work hard, then take it easy. Don’t neglect either and don’t confuse one for the other. Easier said that done, but what isn’t?

To err is human.

Emotional Control is Essential

Posted: April 20, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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It is hard to see external events as neutral.

Of course we are going to dye the world in the colors of our thoughts and emotions. How could we not? Are we taught that in school? I’m pretty sure the playground and cafeteria experience(s) of school teaches us the opposite.

How can we regulate our emotions?

Because we have to. We can’t be hot heads. We can’t be basket cases. No matter what our ethnicity, gender or astrological sign(s) may tell us. We can’t go flying off the handle at people, places, events and/or situations because our emotions are stirred up.

This goes for positive and negative emotions. Because getting to high when things go well leads directly into getting to low when things go poorly. Emotional regulation is mandatory for us to achieve our goals and be successful. Whether the goals and definition of success is externally material or internally immeasurable; we have to be able to control our emotions.

Is there anything more challenging? I suppose not identifying with our thoughts. It’s safe to say a majority of people living on planet Earth are completely identified with their thoughts and/or emotions.

We are easily distracted because we are so deeply identified with our thoughts and emotions. It’s why in America social issues are always at the forefront of political discourse. Because then the working class or 99% will fight amongst themselves over emotional hot button issues rather than on issues of economic equality and the historical lack thereof.

Awareness is the way out.

Maintaining separation from one’s thoughts and emotions can be the work of a lifetime. What do you think monks in monasteries are doing with their time?

To become aware that we are not our thoughts or emotions, we are the consciousness behind them, is one thing, to stay in that state is a whole other ball of wax. Today during my meditation practice I was barely able to stay focused on my breathing for a couple of five counts over the course of twenty minutes.

But we have to try. Especially in the area of the comment section. We have to try. Emotional regulation is as important to our health as breathing exercises, eating well, and hydrating. Easier said than done, just like everything else in this world.

A meditation practice in combination with studying philosophy and spirituality has been a big help for me over the years. Along with a regular journaling habit.

Using the Calm app for meditation, reading The Daily Stoic for philosophy, and watching Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts videos on YouTube makes up my most frequently used daily routine along with a one page thought vomit journal entry.

For many years now I have utilized supplements to help with my mood. Ashwaghanda, Theanine, and St. John’s Wort has been my go to stack for a long time. I recently took out St. John’s Wort to save a little money since I currently can’t afford all the supplements I would prefer to take. I know other people have had good results with GABA, Kava, Rhodiola, and flavored Magnesium Powder.

Emotional control is the work of a lifetime. If it were easy, the world would be unrecognizable. Why create problems for anyone else if one feels good or neutral all the time? So we try to take things one choice at a time. But we have to try. Well, I do at least. Maybe the people reading this by nature or nurture have had emotional regulation in the bag since childhood.

If that’s the case, I’ll have what you’re having.

Everyday Above Ground is a Good Day

Posted: April 18, 2024 in Stimulus Space Response
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Somewhere between establishing a regular meditation practice and stumbling into studying philosophy via podcasts and YouTube videos, I became grateful to just be alive.

I used to be very pessimistic. Pessimism and depression go hand in hand. I used to be very depressed too. Ages 14 and 26 are when depression bit my head off and almost took me all the way down to drown in darkness.

I don’t remember exactly when or why I decided that I wanted to stay. But I stayed. I’m glad I did. I’m very grateful to be alive.

That doesn’t mean life is perfect. No such thing as perfect. That doesn’t mean that life is all sunshine and rainbows. Life is challenges. In all of life there is suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.

But to me, life is good, I’m glad to be alive.

Everyday above ground is a good day.

I used to say this habitually when people would ask me how I was doing or what’s going on or just as a general retort for a general greeting I would receive from friends, acquaintances, etc.

I stopped saying it when I said it to a woman who was suffering, clearly suffering, she told me in a very calm manner why she was suffering, then excused herself as she started crying. In all of life there is suffering. I felt tremendous empathy for that stranger in that moment. I remember thinking, just because I feel that way, doesn’t mean I need to broadcast it.

Actions > Words

Everyday above ground is a good day.

I do believe that is true. No one is forcing us to stay. We are free to leave at anytime. It has never been easier for one to leave this life if they don’t want to be here.

I think that might have been what convinced me to stay. I had been in such a negative state for so long, while having done so little, if anything to change my situation, that it got to the stage of, shit or get off the pot. Either stay or leave. But if I’m going to stay, I’m not going to be a cynical, pessimistic, energy vampire, negative asshole. So get pragmatically positive or leave.

So I chose to stay. I’m glad I did. I would advise most habitually negative people to have the same talk with themself, make the choice to stay or leave, and act accordingly.

Being grateful to be alive doesn’t make bad things not happen. Gratitude for one’s existence doesn’t mean challenges stop coming or suffering ceases. It provides a solid foundation to go from and a comfortable landing to fall back on when the challenges of life and suffering of existence present themselves.

Meditation practice helped me to cultivate inner space between stimulus and response for me to plug this gratitude for life into. If one has no inner space or inner peace, there isn’t time for gratitude because of the constant knee-jerk reactions to all the stimuli.

Philosophy studies helped provide context and perspective to existence and the human condition. Combining a meditation practice and philosophy study has provided me with a calibrated, pragmatic attitude of gratitude, sans toxic new age narcissistic positivity.

Every day above ground is a good day.

What about bad days? Well, what do you mean by bad? Is there universal bad? Or is bad a perception? Is bad a thought? Is bad a judgement? How do you know what bad is?

You mean challenging days? You mean days with suffering? Days with more suffering than neutrality or enjoyment? How do you know what a challenge is? How do you know what suffering is?

I guess I missed the meeting that said life is supposed to always be good all the time no exception ever.

There is no escaping the yin yang.

No light without dark. No silence without noise. No sweet without sour. No cold without hot. No wet without dry. No high without low. No life without death. No good without bad.

Everyday above ground is a good day.

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